Observation jokes
I'm not sure if you have any feelings because everything about you seems very dull.
Q: Why are flat-earthers seen so many these days? A: Because one girl wore an earth-printed shirt.
A patient walked into a psychiatrist's office last week wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap. The psychiatrist said, "I can clearly see your nuts."
I don't like consistency. Last night, I spent three hours looking at a room and thinking, "I need a flower pot here, and the couch should be on the right." Eventually, the police arrived and led me away from my neighbor's window.
What does it mean if you can remember a girl's eye color?
She had small tits.
How do you know you’re at a gay cookout? They’re putting your sausage between two buns.
Yo bro, look at this twig I found on the floor. Wait...
An Ob-Gyn asks a lady to put her feet up on the stirrups.
Doctor: My God, you have the biggest vagina I’ve ever seen!
Woman: You don’t have to say that twice.
Doctor: I didn’t.
"Captain, captain, the armadillo has been sighted by the lizard!"
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Two Indians are walking beside a river...
One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.
"The White Man was here."
"How can you tell?"
"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"
What did the cow say at night? Look at the moooon.
Stephen Hawking is better than NASA. They study black holes that are 8 billion years old, while he was down here on Earth staring at 14-year-old black holes. 😈😈😈
Yo hairline is so long, when you looked in a mirror you saw an entire endangered species.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason.
Trump and Biden didn’t get the memo.
Your hairline goes so far back you can see a full world scale map in your forehead reflection.
what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?
Oppenheimer
What's an old Japanese man's last words?
"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"
I saw a sign that said “Watch for children” and I thought, “That sounds like a fair trade.”
Little Johnny is with his dad behind a garbage truck when a dildo thumps the windshield.
To protect Little Johnny's innocence, he says, "That was an insect."
Little Johnny replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"