a telescope has two uses: 1. to look in space 2. to see your hairline
is it just me or your the prettiest person I seen today
I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them, I can also tell if they are standing.
Did anyone ever noticed that " STUDYING" is a mixture of studying and dying.
There’s something on your chin no the third one down
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us
It’s been a few weeks, and its clear that you do not have that sense
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
Mom:they say our kid neighbor has a blue blood Son:really? Also 2 hour later Son:mom the kid doesnt have a blue blood Mom:son i-
Sorry for my bad english U-U
i saw two really tall guys i walked up and said "i didn't know we still have the twin towers"
i saw a man. I saw another man. And I saw another. Where am I? Comment below
When you realize your friend is standing next to you is adopted and narrates everything he does
I saw a orphan on the road I asked him if he's a ophorn the kid says ye what gave it away
I say your parents
Astrophysics fact: If you count every stars on a Saturday night, you're autistic.
Let's hope the new tower doesn't go plane watching like the old ones
North Tower: Hey south tower we can talk later I gotta catch a plane
3 blonde were walking on a path, the first blonde said, “Hey look there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way those are totally duck tracks,” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh those are” then they got hit by a train.
What similarities do peeping toms and spies share? they both see things they shouldn't.
A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.
The German sticks his hand out and says "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know," the German says, "Because it's so cold."
Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says "We are in Australia," the others ask "How do you know," he replies "Because it's so warm."
Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says " We are in Mexico," the others ask "How do you know," he says " Because my watch is gone"
An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. ̈You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you? ̈ The Cuban simply says, ̈See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap. ̈ The other passengers are reassured and respond with, ̈Oh, OK. ̈
The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. ̈You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you? ̈ The Russian simply states, ̈See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap. ̈ Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, ̈Ah, yes! Of course. ̈
The American scratches his head and goes, ̈I think I see the pattern here. ̈ So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window! ̈
A man and a women are watching clouds together. The man says, “hey that one looks like a giraffe!”. The women agrees and says, “that one looks like a elephant!”. The man sits up and says, “ that one looks like a mushroom.”
