Observation jokes

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. For example, if she's holding a gun, she's probably angry.

A German, an Australian, and a Mexican are on a plane. They say that they can tell where they are by sticking their hands out of the pane.

The German sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Germany." The others ask, "How do you know?" The German says, "Because it's so cold."

Then the Australian sticks his hand out and says, "We are in Australia." The others ask, "How do you know?" He replies, "Because it's so warm."

Then the Mexican sticks his hand out and back in. He says, "We are in Mexico." The others ask, "How do you know?" He says, "Because my watch is gone."

I wasn't staring at you; I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon.

Your hairline is like the universe. It's still waiting to be discovered.

What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between you and me, something smells.

If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.

Two Indians are walking beside a river...

One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.

"The White Man was here."

"How can you tell?"

"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"

The thing I don't like about shopping centers...

When you see one, you've seen a mall.

So, Duracell batteries do run out.

Wow, why so many of the same joke?

What did the right eye say to the left eye?

"Between you and me, something smells!"

There is a thin line between death and life!

You won't live to see it.....

The Cardiogram will!!

When I saw a kid fall with no legs, I said, "Just walk it off!"

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? "HDMI."

Astrophysics fact: If you count every star on a Saturday night, you're autistic.

Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?

My friend said he saw a blind man. I said, "Did he LOOK nice?"

Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."

My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.

I was like, soon dude, Little Johnny is Big boobs.