Object jokes
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
I like dick.
Q: How do you make a door cry?
A: Twist its knob.
When is a door not a door? When it's ajar.
What is the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?
You can unscrew a light bulb.
Memes
What do you call an arrow pointing the wrong way?
A Disap point ment.
What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?
The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.
Why did the car key never fit in?
He was too door key.
I see some objects over there... oh, never mind, that's a woman.
What's brown and sticky?
A stick.
What's the difference between your dad and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back.
What is fully grown but can fit through small objects? Michael Jackson.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that is not coming back? A: A stick.
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
What's the difference between you and a bench?
A bench can hold a family.
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.
I wondered why the ball was getting bigger... then it hit me.
This site is darker than fingering your sister and finding your dad's wedding ring.
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?
A: Mat.
You know why orphans like boomerangs?
Because they come back, unlike their parents.