Object jokes
What is the difference between an emo kid and a cutting board?
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.
What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?
I would never put a canoe in my garage.
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.
What's the difference between a child and a book?
One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline.
What's the only gun that doesn't exist in Africa?
A water gun.
Can a match box? No, but a tin can.
I never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me.
What is the difference between a boomerang and an orphan's dad?
The boomerang comes back.
What makes William Afton and a boomerang common?
They always come back.
What has eyes but can't see?
Potatoes, storms, and needles.
What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?
Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.
What goes in dry and comes out wet and has white stuff at the end?
Can a box match? No, but a tin can.
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.