Object jokes
What did the knife say to the other knife?
"Knife to meet you."
What do you call an arrow pointing the wrong way?
A Disap point ment.
Why do orphans like boomerangs?
A: Because they come back, unlike their parents.
Yo mama so fat that she broke the chair by sitting on it.
What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?
You brighten my day.
What do you call a white person having a seizure?
A saltshaker.
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.
Someone eats glue and tells the other, "Sorry, can't stick around!"
How are babies and watermelons similar?
They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.
I tried to find my watch I lost last week, but I didn't have the time.
To make tea, road, road, road, road.
Case.
The space of space, Der der.
The chosen week was chosen.
Object.
Der mezzer lakes.
What's long, black, and sticky?
A stick.
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
What does my arm have in common with paper?
They both can be cut.
What is similar between a ton of kids and some boxes?
Both of those are commonly found in basements.
How do you fit 53 babies into a box?
First get a blender...
What's the difference between a dick and a rock?
One's hard.
What is blue and smells like red paint?
Blue paint.
Mirrors can’t talk; it’s sad that they can’t laugh at you!
What's the difference between a baby and putty?
You can only eat one.