Object jokes

What is long, brown, and cures depression?

A noose.

A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.

The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."

The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."

The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

What is the difference between an emo kid and a cutting board?

What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?

I would never put a canoe in my garage.

What's the difference between a child and a book?

One doesn't scream when you snap its neck.

What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?

They both make noise when you throw them.

What's the only gun that doesn't exist in Africa?

A water gun.

What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline.

Can a match box? No, but a tin can.

What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.

What is the difference between a boomerang and an orphan's dad?

The boomerang comes back.

What goes in dry and comes out wet and has white stuff at the end?

What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

What makes William Afton and a boomerang common?

They always come back.

What has eyes but can't see?

Potatoes, storms, and needles.

Can a box match? No, but a tin can.

What does my arm have in common with paper?

They both can be cut.

What's the difference between me and a rope?

A rope will hang with you.