Object jokes
What is red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?
And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?
A: Mat.
"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
I would like to call you as dumb as a rock, but they can hold a door open.
Call me a worn-out sweater because I’m hanging on by a thread.
That’s about to become a rope around my neck.
What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?
The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
One is gigantic, the other is just a little lighter.
What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?
A sinkers bar.
What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.
How do you fit 4 gay dudes on a stool?
Flip it upside down.
What time is it when it turns 13 o'clock?
Time to get a new watch.
What is the difference between a boomerang and an orphan's dad?
The boomerang comes back.
I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"
Yo mama so ugly, she looked in the mirror and it broke.
What is the difference between an emo kid and a cutting board?
What's the difference between me and a rope?
A rope will hang with you.
I said to my wife that she's so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back.
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.