Object jokes
What's the difference between a dick and a rock?
One's hard.
Your mom is so ugly that she made a mirror shatter.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how many you throw.
Why are lamps so scared? Because someone might throw them away.
Where is the pocket?
It is there, the pocket.
What did one pillow say to the other?
Nothing, meh, they just sang a song about a rogue chicken whose feathers had been sacrificed to make them.
What falls and never gets hurt? Rain ☔
What’s the similarity between a penis and a lollipop?
Kids can take both.
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a hairdryer.
Yo mama so fat that she broke the chair by sitting on it.
Are you a rope? Cause I'm tryna put you around my neck 😏
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.
What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
My grandpa asked me to pass him his phone, but I passed him a calculator. He couldn't tell the difference.
How are babies and watermelons similar?
They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.
"Knife to meet ya."
What's the difference between an umbrella and a tree?
I don't know.
"Can I throw you away? You look like my trash can. Oh, wait, you *are* my trash can."
Hairline got cut by a broken teacup.