Object jokes
What's the difference between a dick and a rock?
One's hard.
What kind of paper gets stuck to your foot?
DUH! A sticker.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how many you throw.
What do a Rubik's cube and a dick have in common? The more you play with them, the harder they get.
Where is the pocket?
It is there, the pocket.
What’s the similarity between a penis and a lollipop?
Kids can take both.
What did one pillow say to the other?
Nothing, meh, they just sang a song about a rogue chicken whose feathers had been sacrificed to make them.
What falls and never gets hurt? Rain ☔
Are you a rope? Cause I'm tryna put you around my neck 😏
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a hairdryer.
Yo mama so fat that she broke the chair by sitting on it.
Student: There are 505 rocks in a car. If 8 fall out, how many are left?
Teacher: There will be 497 rocks left.
Student: Ok!!
Student: How do you put an alligator in a closet?
Teacher: You can't, it won't fit.
Student: No!! Just open the door, put the alligator in, then close the door.
Teacher: Ohhh, now I get it.
What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?
You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.
Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.
What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.
Knock knock...
Who's there?
Not Sarah.
"Knife to meet ya."
How are babies and watermelons similar?
They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.
My grandpa asked me to pass him his phone, but I passed him a calculator. He couldn't tell the difference.
What's the difference between an umbrella and a tree?
I don't know.
Hairline got cut by a broken teacup.
"Can I throw you away? You look like my trash can. Oh, wait, you *are* my trash can."