Object jokes
A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.
The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."
The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."
The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.
What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?
You brighten my day.
What do you call a chair?
I don't know. What?
Oh, hi, Chairity!
Water bottles, strong, Standing tall, like sturdy men, Quenching every thirst.
Clear and transparent, Reflecting strength and resolve, Resilient and pure.
In hand, they offer Refreshing relief, like hugs, Soothing every soul.
Water bottles, like men, Nourish and hydrate our lives, Simple yet vital.
What did the fork say to the spoon?
Nothing, forks don’t speak, silly!
2 weeks here.
What do dicks and popsicles have in common?
They both like to be sucked on, and they sometimes choke you.
What is the difference between an orphan's dad and a boomerang?
Oh... one comes back.
What's long, hard, and slimy?
A bar of soap.
Your mama is so stupid, she put a ruler under her pillow to measure how long she slept.
What can you break, even if you never pick it up or touch it?
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
Because they always return.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how many you throw.
What is this?
Are you a razor? 'Cause you make me red.
What is red and shaped like a bucket?
A red bucket.
Your mama so fat when she stepped on a scale it said, "Ma'am, take the bowling ball off of the scale!"
Why did the stick fall?
Because he is a stick man.
How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?
A blender.
How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.
What do you call an arrow pointing the wrong way?
A Disap point ment.
What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew the lightbulb.