Object Jokes

I have a match!

My ass, your face.

What is this?

Are you a razor? 'Cause you make me red.

How do you get ten babies in a bowl?

A blender.

How do you get them out?

Doritos.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

A character resembling a blueberry pie is depicted on a card that looks like a Pokemon card. The card reads: "Basic Pokémon Pie 50 HP. Explosive blueberry pie Pokémon. Length: Unknown, Weight: Unknown. Blueberry Explosion 10x. Weakness +30, resistance -30, retreat cost."

What picture is that?

What gets louder as it gets smaller?

A baby in a blender.

Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street, and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch.

Me: Strange... Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?

What do you call a mug? A mug dummy.

What is blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint.

I'm doing a new thing where you say an object in the comments, and I will try to make a joke based off the object.

If you are interested, you can submit an object in the comments.

I will give the person credit each joke I do.

One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.

He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.

So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"