Object jokes

What's the difference between a knife and me?

One has a point.

Well, a lock and a key were going on vacation, but the key said, "Help me, I'm stuck!" and then the lock said, "I think I am in lock-shary."

"Can I throw you away? You look like my trash can. Oh, wait, you *are* my trash can."

Hairline got cut by a broken teacup.

Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street, and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch.

Me: Strange... Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?

What is this?

What picture is that?

How do you get ten babies in a bowl?

A blender.

How do you get them out?

Doritos.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

What do you call a mug? A mug dummy.

What is blue and smells like red paint?

Blue paint.

I'm doing a new thing where you say an object in the comments, and I will try to make a joke based off the object.

If you are interested, you can submit an object in the comments.

I will give the person credit each joke I do.

One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.

He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.

So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"

What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

My dad came back!

Q: What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?

A: A pool table.

What's long, black, and sticky?

A stick.

Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms.

What did Sarah get for Christmas? I dunno, she hasn't opened it yet.

Knock knock...

Who's there?

Not Sarah.

What’s green, fuzzy, and falls out of a tree? A pool table.

I lost my bag. :(

You're so small you went hand gliding on a Dorito!