Object jokes

Ever tried looking in a mirror lately? I wouldn't, your crooked hairline might break it.

I’ve seen doorknobs more interesting than LEO.

Water bottles, strong, Standing tall, like sturdy men, Quenching every thirst.

Clear and transparent, Reflecting strength and resolve, Resilient and pure.

In hand, they offer Refreshing relief, like hugs, Soothing every soul.

Water bottles, like men, Nourish and hydrate our lives, Simple yet vital.

A penguin and a polar bear are sitting in a bathtub. The penguin asks the polar bear, "Hey, can you pass the soap?" The polar bear obliges.

A few moments later, the penguin asks, "Hey, can you pass the scrubber?" The polar bear does. Shortly after that, the penguin says, "Hey, can you pass the rubber ducky?"

The polar bear, beginning to become upset, turns to the penguin and says, "What do you think I am? A radio?!"

What's the difference between a rock and a dead baby?

You can't fuck a rock.

What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?

They both have cutting marks.

How do you fit a baby in a glass?

A blender.

How do you get it out?

Explosives!

A fan gave another fan a blowjob.

Me and bro talking about direct objects at 1 a.m. because we don’t know English.

How do you get a blonde to drown?

Stick a mirror at the bottom of a pool.

If I had a dollar for every gender, I would only have one dollar because women are objects and men are superior.

I rolled over a log and underneath was a tiny little stick, and I was like, "That log had a child!"

Ya, I have a Hydro Flask.

H: My Y: Grandpa D: Sticks R: His O: Cock F: Up L: My A: Ass S: K:

I said to my wife that she's so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back.

Penis, neck, rope?

What kind of paper gets stuck to your foot?

DUH! A sticker.

Yo dad is like a boomerang; he never comes back.

What has a head, a tail, but no body?

What is the difference between a laser beam and a trash can?

A trash can doesn't rage.

What do a Rubik's cube and a dick have in common? The more you play with them, the harder they get.