Number jokes
What's the best thing about fucking twenty-one year olds?
That there's twenty of them hoo hoo hee hooo harr haar dee harr harr
Been learning Chinese...
69 is too-can-chew.
Why is every number scared of 7?
Because 7 "ate" 9.
I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.
Now I'm terrified of airports.
69, 420, 21.
Why is 7 afraid of 6?
Because 7 is a vegetarian and 6 is a cannibal.
Why was 10 so scared? Because he was in the middle of 9/11.
Ayo imagine having a chocolate fountain, but instead it cost a billion dollars a gallon and you have a hundred thousands, that number will never equate to how many porno magazines and alcoholic beverages and malty liquors stolen from my brother's bedroom as a desperate attempt at being edgy. Ayo, maybe instead of the future cars being powered by petroleum oil and gas, but with hot chocolate.
A missionary went to visit an orphanage in Thailand. After looking around, he asked the manager, "Why do these kids have numbers instead of names on their shirts? And why are some of them the same?"
The manager smiled and said, "Those are price tags."
People always said that if you killed a murderer, there would be the same number of murderers. Why stop at one?
Why did 1 eat 2?
'Cause he was hungry.
Why can't a blonde call 911?
She can't find the 11.
Why is 1026 afraid of 1028?
Because 1028 1029.
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered six offender.
There are 30 cows in a field, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
A - 10
What did 50 do when he was hungry?
58.
Why did Ten need a therapist? He was in between 9/11.
What is 2+2? Fish.
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
Ummmm 67.