Number jokes
How would you multiply numbers in octoschool?
You octoply, obviously.
Your momma so fat, when she stepped on the weighing scales, her phone number came up!
Why did all the numbers laugh at 22? Because it had "tu tu's."
What's the number 1 cause of pedophilia?
Sexy kids.
Why did 7 kill 11?
Because now 7 was even.
Memes
i like paint
Poop poop poop poop poop poop pp ppppppppppppoppppppppppooooooooooooooooooooppppppppppoooooopppp children pooooooooooooooooop in diapers.
Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
How do you turn the Roman numeral IX (9) to a six?
Add the "S."
Why didn't the two 4's feel like dinner?
Answer: Because they already ate.
Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.
The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"
Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."
Why did 1 break the door open? Because 2, 3, 4.
My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.
Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?
Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.
The last number of your like is the Amogus you get.
1: Amogus trollface
2: Frogus
3: Amogus in 2013
4: Chogus
5: Classic Amogus
6: Wait this isn't Amogus
7: Amogus drip
8: Amog sus
9: Amog stuff
What do squats eat? Numbers.
qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm!
So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"
I went out with this girl the other night. She wore this real slinky number. She especially looked great going down the stairs.
Why did the oxygen molecules walk out of the singles bar with excitement?
Because she got Avogadro's number!
Why did the number 5 get voted out of the game in the 1st round? Because he was an odd man out!