The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.
Statistics Jokes
Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.
5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.
Statistics show that 1 in 3 people live next to a pedophile. However, I think that's a lie because I just live next to 2 stunning 8-year-olds.
I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂
9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.
New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.
Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey.
9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.
"Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death"?
Maybe in infidel America but.... it is #1 in the Glorious Iran.
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Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
I was exploring a haunted mansion when I encountered a ghost named Pristiano Penaldo. He asked if I supported Burnley as he wanted to statpad against me. Luckily, I pulled out my trusty Liverpool shirt, and he disappeared. Shame on you, Penaldo.
I am right 95 percent of the time, who cares about that other 5 percent?
Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.
Poor bastard.
According to statistics, 5 of 6 people enjoy gang rape.
It's statistically proven that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape
What do you call children born from incest?
Gross Domestic Product.
I don't get it.
Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".
Which is Ronaldo's favorite son, Matteo or Cristiano Junior?
Neither. His favorite is San Marino, perfect for stat-padding with tap-ins and penalties!
China has a population of a billion people. One billion.
That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.