Statistics Jokes

The more suicidal people there are, the fewer suicidal people there are.

Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.

5 out of 6 scientists say Russian Roulette is safe.

Statistics show that 1 in 3 people live next to a pedophile. However, I think that's a lie because I just live next to 2 stunning 8-year-olds.

I conducted a survey. I asked 100 women what kind of shampoo they used while they were in the shower? 98 of them said, "How the fuck did you get in here?" 😂😂😂

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

New study reveals that women slightly overweight live longer... than the men who mention it.

Today I learned that on average, humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

This is partially due to the fact that most humans don’t like the taste of monkey

Doctor : what makes you feel depressed? Me: seeing others happy Doctor : ok so what makes you happy? Me: seeing stupid people in misery or agony Doctor: Well that's rather sadistic. Me: well statistically one in two doctors have fingerd a child... Doctor: do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy? Me: there's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".

I am right 95 percent of the time, who cares about that other 5 percent?

I was exploring a haunted mansion when I encountered a ghost named Pristiano Penaldo. He asked if I supported Burnley as he wanted to statpad against me. Luckily, I pulled out my trusty Liverpool shirt, and he disappeared. Shame on you, Penaldo.

Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor bastard.

According to statistics 5 of 6 people enjoy gang rape.

It's statistically proven that 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape

What do you call children born from incest?

Gross Domestic Product

i don't get it. orphans are very religious, well mostly. statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church i mean its the only place they can call someone "father"

China has a population of a billion people. One billion. That means even if you’re a one in a million kind of guy, there are still a thousand others exactly like you.