Number 1 ventriloquist dies at age 76, will be mist.
Number Jokes
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
How do you turn the Roman numeral IX (9) to a six?
Add the "S."
Why didn't the two 4's feel like dinner?
Answer: Because they already ate.
Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.
The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"
Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."
Why did 1 break the door open? Because 2, 3, 4.
My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.
Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?
Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.
The last number of your like is the Amogus you get.
1: Amogus trollface
2: Frogus
3: Amogus in 2013
4: Chogus
5: Classic Amogus
6: Wait this isn't Amogus
7: Amogus drip
8: Amog sus
9: Amog stuff
What do squats eat? Numbers.
qwertyuiopasdfghjklzxcvbnm!
Why did the oxygen molecules walk out of the singles bar with excitement?
Because she got Avogadro's number!
So, I was in school, and there was a number saying "696969," so I said to my mother, "What does it mean?" She said, "Your fucking dad and I!"
Why did the number 5 get voted out of the game in the 1st round? Because he was an odd man out!
I went out with this girl the other night. She wore this real slinky number. She especially looked great going down the stairs.
Words can’t describe how beautiful you are.
But numbers can. (Lol)
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
What did 1 pay with at the store? A 1/4 ;)
Why did the person take crayons to the bedroom?
To draw the curtains.
I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.
Listen, Man United might not thank me but get the contract out, put it on the table. Let him sign it, let him write whatever numbers he wants to put on there, given what he's done since he's come in. Ole's at the wheel, man. He's doing it. He's doing his thing. Man United are BACK.
