Not jokes
My mum said not to walk the streets because I won't find home the next day. I was an orphan.
Roses are red, violets are blue. You belong in a zoo, but don't worry, I'll be there too. Just not in a cage, I'll be laughing at you.
Roses are red, that much is true.
But violets are violet, not f*ing blue!
Why do you not play with a cheetah? Because they cheat!
My three favorite things are eating my family, and not using commas.
Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale, the scale said, "I'm trying to get your weight, not your phone number!"
Boy: “My heart MELTS for you.”
Girl: “OMG, are you okay?!?!”
Boy: “Yeah, why?”
Girl: “Because if your heart is melting, then you are NOT okay.”
What's the difference between a criminal and an orphan?
One is wanted and one's not.
What did Osama Bin Laden's kids not inherit after his death?
His hide-and-seek skills.
I thought gender reveal parties were only for newborns, not for teenagers.
Who will hit the ground first, the girl or the apple?
I don't know, it depends if the girl is emo or not. If she is emo, the rope will catch her.
How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?
Why did the skeleton not go to the party? Because he had no body to go with.
9/11 is not funny. It's just plane disrespectful to make fun of it.
Wife: Honey, I’m pregnant. Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m dad. Wife: No, you’re not.
Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."
Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."
Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."
Teacher: "*stands up*"
Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."
Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?
Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.
9/11 was a round of Clash of Clans; they knocked down 2 towers, not 3.
Yo mama is so fat when she stepped on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
Too many people.
Not enough VooDoo dolls.