Not jokes
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
Roses are red, that much is true.
But violets are violet, not f*ing blue!
How much you wanna bet you will not repeat my name out loud (at school/work)?
Boy: “My heart MELTS for you.”
Girl: “OMG, are you okay?!?!”
Boy: “Yeah, why?”
Girl: “Because if your heart is melting, then you are NOT okay.”
What did Osama Bin Laden's kids not inherit after his death?
His hide-and-seek skills.
Why is there only a glory hole in the handicapped stall in some public men's restrooms?
Because a gay man that is not physically handicapped can't receive a blow job from a gay man that is physically handicapped under the handicapped stall.
9/11 was a round of Clash of Clans; they knocked down 2 towers, not 3.
Teacher on school bus, "Everybody sit down now, the bus is about to start."
Ben: "I’m not going to sit down. I don’t want to."
Teacher: "You have to, or else you have to get off the bus."
Teacher: "*stands up*"
Ben: "Then you should get off the bus 'cause you're not sitting."
Your mama so fat when she steps on the scale, the scale said, "I'm trying to get your weight, not your phone number!"
My three favorite things are eating my family, and not using commas.
What do parents and dark humor have in common? Not everyone gets them.
Why do orphans not play baseball?
Because they don't know the way home!
Try not to <3.
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA?
Because they're not wanted.
It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.
The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Not to see his parents.
Why was the noble gas not emo?
Because they were thinking RIGHT.
Why is it okay to hit an orphan?
It's not like they will tell their parents.
What is gayer than man sex ring?
Not slapping the ass at Hooters.
Hi, are you even my sister?
Yes, I am.
No, you're not, because you never even existed as my sister.