Not jokes

Why did the skeleton not go to the party? Because he had no body to go with.

My three favorite things are eating my family, and not using commas.

When I wear all black, I'm not emo. I'm a rainbow, 'cause I'm wearing all the colors. #Science

Why was the noble gas not emo?

Because they were thinking RIGHT.

What do parents and dark humor have in common? Not everyone gets them.

Why is it okay to hit an orphan?

It's not like they will tell their parents.

What is gayer than man sex ring?

Not slapping the ass at Hooters.

Hi, are you even my sister?

Yes, I am.

No, you're not, because you never even existed as my sister.

It's not bad that my car doesn't beep when reversing.

The screams of the passers-by are enough for me!

What do Hiroshima and Herobrine have in common?

They're not heroes.

My girlfriend said to me, "Dear, I think you have hit an animal, there's blood and dents all over the bonnet."

I said, "No, love, I'm not waiting for a Black Lives Matter rally."

I'm not transphobic. I just want transparency...

Always breathing down my neck, my vampire girlfriend does not give me any space.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I thank God I'm not as ugly as you.

I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies.

She is not “fun to be around.”

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

What do you call a person with no arms and legs?

You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.

What did a bee who was interested in philosophy say?

"To bee or not to bee."

I was bullying Stephen Hawking. I told him, "Why not stand up for yourself?"

Kid on Xbox: I'm not a virgin. Ask your sister.

Bully on Xbox: I don't have a sister, dumbass.

Kid on Xbox: You will in 9 months.