Nine jokes
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9.
What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?
Her Miscarriage.
Why was nine scared of ten?
Because five was a registered twelve offender.
Wait, can I try the joke again?
Why was 7 afraid of 9? Because he's a registered sex offender.
Joke: "7 8 9" (seven eight nine), why is 8 (eight) scared of 7 (seven)?
Answer: This is because; in "7 8 9", 8 is pronounced as (ate). So because seven ate nine, eight is scared that seven would eat eight also.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 ate 9.
Why do people always talk about nine eleven???
My dad died that day.
He was a good pilot.
Roses are red, violets are fine, I'll be the six, you be the nine.
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."
Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."
Kid 1: "As if."
Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."
Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."
Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
Did you hear about the new drink commemorating Princess Diana?
It had nine shots and seven chasers!
What is half of nine?
"ni"
How many beans are there in Irish chili?
Answer: 239
Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine?
Answer: (spoken in Irish Brogues) Because if you add one more, it'd be "two farty."
What’s 9 inches long and makes my girlfriend scream?
One inch and put it in her. Her miscarriage.
John: What's 9+10?
Jake: 21
Q. How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Gotta be more than 9 'cause my basement is still dark.
Why was one afraid of every number in the world?
Because ONE wanted TWO get something THREE FOUR FIVE at the yard sale, but SIX was not there. SEVEN EIGHT NINE as well. When all but ONE remained, it got TENse.
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
What do you call a nine year old with no friends?
A Sandy Hook survivor.
Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.
Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.
Why was 10 scared of 9?
Because 9 8 7.