News Jokes

Recently I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker down town in Manhattan, New York thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.

My friend got a sorry excuse for a new hair style, she says "How do you like my new hair style?" Me: I think it's a great idea, when are you getting one?

i went to my local shooting range today but was surprised when i saw on the news that there was a school shooting in my shooting range, i dont know who snitched...

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I’ve been munching away on these new tic tacs recently and honestly, they are really good. It’s a little strange how they came in a bottle labeled “Ibuprofen” though, and really, I’m starting to feel a little sick. The bottle’s almost empty tho, so it’s time to get some more!

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.

I wonder of Steven hawking was a organ donor cuz i need new parts for my go kart

anti funny joke why do depressed people want to kill them selves to be loved on the news show for 10 minutes

Every kid in a classroom is relevant, because one of them get shot, they will all be featured on the news.

"If all of these structures break we will all die." And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!" And he said, "It would be breaking news."

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

i got a toaster for my birthday and said "yay new bath bomb"

Nasa called me and they said they reached you hailine

Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.

What do I and a brand new chandelier have in common? One of these days, we’re both are gonna be hanging from the ceiling

Why does New York have the jets as their football team if those are what took out the twin towers

Did you hear about the new Oasis restaurant?

Every time you order soup, you got a roll with it.

“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given. I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”