Never jokes

What is the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face for my birthday.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.

What is never ordered in an orphanage?

A family sized pizza!

Your mum, your dad, The things you never had.

One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.

One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"

The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"

His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"

This is why orphans are dangerous with cardboard. They either start eating it or making it into a house and hallucinating that they have a family.

So I threw out the cardboard and said, "You have to stay in reality. Fantasies aren't real. You can't and will never get a home."

Next day, they make cardboard parents, so I threw that away and said, "Pay attention to reality; you will never get parents."

Next day, they start acting like parents and tell me what to do. Again, I said, "Snap to reality. You will never be a parent!" The orphan responded with, "Oh, really?! How so?" I just simply said, "You don't have a house and parents. You literally like eating cardboard, and then you make parents out of it. You like to eat old people!"

What is the difference between a kid with cancer and dark humor?

Dark humor never dies!

Why does the Jedi never join the dark side?

If they did, then they would lose the opportunity to molest young padawans.

What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?

For me, life.

Never compare an orphan to an Apple because the Apple always gets picked.

"If we don’t have a strategy, then the enemy will never know our strategy."

-Sun Tzu, Art of War.

What cookie has an orphan never had?

Homemade.

Hey guys, can we stop making these jokes? If my mom sees this, I will never see the sun again.

Oh . . .

:(

Continue.

We split because she would always say I never listen, or something like that.

They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!

Why should you never talk to pie at a party? Because it goes on forever.

Why do orphans never get 5 stars in GTA 5? Because they are not wanted!

I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"

Me: Wanna hear a joke?

Person: Sure.

Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.

Person: Dear God...