I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.
Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.
And 100% of men don’t care.
Jokes are like Indians.
They never die, they just get reincarnated.
Why do ableist people hate autistics?
They're scared they'll never be special enough.
Roses are red, your eyes are brown; never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.
Son: Dad I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure ur my parents? Dad: oh...., well I never thought it would come to this, or to ur head that you were kidnapped..... Son: am I kidnapped? Dad; well ur adopted, and if you want to see ur biological parents they’ll be waiting for you in heaven
When Pope Pius (IX.) died, he went to Heaven, knocked at the door, St. Peter opened: "Who are you, what do you want?” "I am Pope Pius. I want to come to heaven.” “Where do you come from?" "Rome." "What do you mean? Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "No, Rome Italy of course." "I'm very sorry, but I do not know you!"
To make sure to not erroneously deny access to an authorised person, Saint Peter takes the telephone, calls up God and asks: "Hello Boss, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?" "What do you mean: Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "No, Rome Italy of course." "No, sorry, I don’t know him."
Saint Peter makes another telephone call and rings up Jesus: "Hello Junior - here’s a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome, do you know him?" "Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "Rome Italy." "No sorry, never heard of."
Saint Peter still does not give up and finally calls up the the Holy Ghost and asks: "Hello Smoky, here is a guy who says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know him?" "What does he mean, Rome Massachusetts or Rome New York?" "He says Rome Italy." "No sorry, I’m afraid I do not know this guy." But then, after a very short while he continues: "Wait, wait - tell me, is that the guy who invented the damn story about Mary and me?"
Kid: What is an orphans favorite breakfast? Teacher: What? Kid: Fruity pebble with water Teacher: Why water? Kid: Cause it's dad never came back with the milk
Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild. He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!
Bro you ever think while driving the moped why they call it footrest when foot never let it rest foot working harder than engine you push push but still go same speed like turtle with bad mood diring rabbit race...
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. “That's my stepladder,” he said. "I never knew my real ladder.”
Why should you never make height jokes about dwarfs?
It goes right over their head
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral what song should you never play? Alphaville - Forever Young
Na don't be mean to fat people oh wait never mind they can handle the weight
President Joesph Biden said during the first presidential debate of the 2024 presidential election that he does not debate as well as he used to, Mr. Biden also can't think as well as he used to either but then again when Mr. Biden was a United States senator in the state of Deleware he never could think because thinking was never one of his strengths and that is the reason why Mr. Biden became President Obama's vice president in the first place oh well that's politics
Your Hairline so Ugly it’s receding from your face to never see you
