My ex broke up with me the day before his birthday. Yeah, he never got to see anything on his birthday. Next thing you know, I'm now in prison.
Never Jokes
If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.
If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?
If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.
Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!
Once you've had the mother,
Don't tell me you've never been tempted to do the daughter.
How come you never see a gay person in a wheelchair?
It’s hard to be a fruit, when you’re already a vegetable.
Why can you never surprise mountains?
They peak.
Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?
Because daddy never came back home with the milk.
I don't laugh at Trump.
I was taught to NEVER make fun of the mentally handicapped.
What's the difference between milk and my dad?
Nothing, I apparently am allergic to both because I never see either of them.
There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.
For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.
What show has something orphans will never have?
American Dad!
Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
Hahahahahahahaha what a knee slapper!
Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
Why should you never trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
You know what's crazy? Is that the low taper fade, like, meme, is still MASSIVE. Still MASSIVE. Like, I'm still seeing like, new ones, that I've never seen before, and they're getting millions of likes and millions of views.
I was playing hide-n-seek with my dad and he hid, but I could never find him till this day.
It takes a lot of trust for two cannibals to gluck gluck each other. You never know when it's goodbye willy.
I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"
An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.
Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.
And 100% of men don’t care.
