Never jokes
Why was Hitler kicked out of the Deutsche Tourenwagen Masters?
He could never finish a race.
Some people like Stephen Hawking jokes, but he will never be a stand-up comedian.
Why did Stephen Hawking's girlfriend finish with him? Because he would never walk her home.
What did Stephen Hawking say—I mean, type—when he saw a beautiful woman?
"That's the best shag I never had."
Why was Hitler banned from Formula One?
He could never finish a race.
1, 2, Freddy's coming for you.
3, 4, better lock your door.
5, 6, grab a crucifix.
7, 8, stay up late.
9, 10, never sleep again.
I love this song, y'all! Like if you love it too! :)
Why are people that have bipolar disorder never on suicide watch?
Because they are always sucking dick.
Teacher: What is your name? Me: Written in the stars.
Teacher: Where? Me: A million miles away.
Teacher: What are you talking about? Me: A message to the main.
Teacher: You must change your behavior! Me: Seasons come and go, but I will never change.
Teacher: Go to the school principal NOW! Me: And I'm on my way.
If your parents never had children, chances are, you won't either.
You should never suppress a fart. It travels up the spine high into the brain. That's where the shit ideas come from.
I tried phone sex once, lost my bits to a stray "call waiting" beep. Very painful. Never again.
Kobe never died, he just faded away.
What does a Right-Winger say when he sees a rainbow above the sky?
"A colorful sky? That's too woke for me. Jesus and our ancestors would have never stood for this!"
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.
How can you never find a hippo hiding behind a weed?
Because they're so good at it.
Why are S and U never thirsty?
They drink tea (T).
How come you never see a broke midget?
Because he’s living in the broke man’s boots.
A man is on his death sentence, and he gets to choose his last meal.
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life. They never found a working machine.
What did Britney Spears’s left leg say to her right leg? Nothing they’ve never met
Q: What kind of person has 100% ambition and never gives up if someone gets in their way?
A: A rapist.