Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.
"Love is a good thing, never be embarrassed by it."
Are you Spanish, because I will say "Hola."
Do you go to a biblioteca? Also, in Spanish, you will never guess the word "biblioteca." Find it, I dare you.
"Imagine being an orphan, could never be me," I say. For some reason, everyone started crying, then I walked out of Dave's orphanage.
Why will the orphan never say, "Honey, I'm home?"
No one wants him, not even the bees.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never learned how to home cook.
Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?
The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.
Why do orphans have no sense of humor?
I guess they've never heard a dad joke.
I masturbated by accident. I read the wrong thing And tested its factuality.
Well, it's been some good years now, haven't they? Being your own partner has never felt so together.
"(My beard actually connects.)" "Like the connection you never had with your father."
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words:
"You need to park a little closer."
What do the Twin Towers and your siblings have in common?
Once they turn 18, they never come back.
Why should a feminist never join the United Auto Workers, UAW?
Because the only thing that a feminist would do in the United Auto Workers, UAW is lick pussy all day in the woman's restroom.
Why are blind people bad at catching things? Because they never see it coming.
When a person in a wheelchair says, "You've never taken a step in my shoes," and you say, "To be honest, you haven't either."
What comes in and comes out, but you should never miss it?
Any ideas?
SHIT!!!!
What superhero will orphans never understand?
Homelander.
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
I complained to my dad why he never took me to the zoo.
He said if they want you, they’ll come get you.
How are Black people like communism?
Because they’ll never work, but some of them are willing to give it a shot.
