Kid: Dad, where are you going?
Dad: To get milk.
TEN YEARS LATER
Kid's friend: Where's your dad?
Kid: He went to get milk but never came back.
Never Jokes
5, 4, 3, 2, 1. A castle weighs a ton. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. The Queen of England's won! I never thought she'd get it done, but her sister is a nun.
Why does the orange 🍊 beat the other fruits 🍎 in every race?
Because it never runs out of juice.
I see some objects over there... oh, never mind, that's a woman.
Three boys are playing on a slide when a genie appeared.
The genie says, "Whatever you shout when you go down the slide, I will grant you a bucket full of."
The first boy goes down the slide shouting, "diamonds!", and he gets a bucket of diamonds.
The second boy goes down the slide and shouts, "gold!", and gets a bucket of gold.
The third boy, who never listens or pays attention, goes down the slide and shouts "weeeeeeee!"
A boy and girl in high school started dating for a while and things were going so well that the girl decided to invite the boy on a weekend trip. She said, "I want you to come spend the weekend at our lakehouse and meet my parents. While we're there, I'd also like to take our relationship to the next level." "I'm there," the boy replied.
The boy was so excited that he ran straight to the pharmacy to pick up some protection. He walked up to the pharmacist and told him about his weekend to come and said he needed some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "Do you want the 3 pack, 6 pack, or family sized 24 pack?" The boy replied, "I plan on getting busy all weekend. I'm not gonna stop pounding her till I'm black and blue. Give me the family pack." "Sure thing," said the pharmacist.
That weekend the boy went to the lakehouse and the whole family was sitting down at the dinner table to pray. The girl's father asked the boy to say grace. The boy prayed and prayed. Almost ten minutes went by. Finally, the girl leaned over to the boy and said, "You never told me that you were so religious." The boy replied, "You never told me that your dad was a pharmacist."
What kind of band never plays music?
I am never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.
Now I can’t get it to shut up.
Why can't emos stand in chairs?
Because they never get down.
Q: Why can't orphans ever win at Yahtzee?
A: Because they can never seem to get a full house.
Are you a building because I rate you a 9/11?
Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?
One arrived plain, one came in late, one went to the wrong address, and the other one never came.
Guys, stop making jokes about blind people, they might s... never mind, continue.
What is a thing orphans have that we can never have?
Imaginary parents.
If Shaquille O’Neal had a boat, he would’ve named it Freethrow, because he will never sink it.
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
We should give whoever killed Hitler a statue. Oh wait, never mind.
I will never forget my grandfather's last words:
"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"
What show do orphans never watch?
"Fuller House."
What do Greek people never want to have on their food? Grease.
