Never jokes

The other day my wife said, "Take me someplace I have never been before!" I said, "Why don't you try the kitchen?"

I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"

What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?

They never get old.

I'll never forget my boss's last words: "We shall serve the best meat in our burgers!"

The sun is out, and the pedo vans are out.

Parents, keep your kids away from ice cream vans. Once they hear the sound, you'll never see your kids again!

I see a kid crying in the park, right? So I go up to him and say, "Hey, where are your parents?" and he says, "Well, my dad left to get the milk and never came back, and my mother died in a plane crash in the Bermuda Triangle."

The second coming came and went. Jesus believed he was a Christian; therefore, he could never be himself.

I got my blind friend a TV... He never uses it.

Riddle me this. Riddle me that.

Why did my parents never come back?

Why do women always have sex with the lights off?

Because they never like to see a man having a good time.

Have you heard the latest pun about pizza?

Never mind. It’s too cheesy!

Q: Why are gay people never late for their flight?

A: They get their shit packed the night before.

A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."

When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."

Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"

Son:...... um

I've never seen my dad since September 11. I wonder where he is...

1.) What’s yellow and can’t swim?

- A bus full of children.

2.) Did you hear about the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

- He died of a yeast infection.

3.) I will never forget my grandad’s last words...

- “You’re still holding the ladder, right?”

4.) I have a fish that can breakdance...

- Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.

5.) Give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours...

- Light a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

What knight is never wrong?

Sir Tain.

Mother: Jack, I have good news and some bad news, which would you like to hear first?

Jack: Bad News first.

Mother: I'm dying!

Jack: Mother, I said bad news first.

Mother: *cries*

Jack was never seen again.

This is the song we all misunderstood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S0QhGGO1gQ

"He said, "One day, you'll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember." My father told me when I was just a child, "These are the nights that never die." My father told me."

Whenever I think about it deeply, it makes me wanna cry :(

Cow A: I slept with your sister!

Cow B: Never knew my brother was a girl!

All the other cows:

:O

Why can't orphans play baseball?

They never hit home.