You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Never mind, it’s too long.
Never Jokes
The twin towers are just like my mom and dad, they went to work and never came back.
What's a book never written? Beautiful sights by a mountain, by a rocky hill!
What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Home made cookies ;)
A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...
Why do we never make adult jokes in front of orphans?
Because the joke needs parental guidance.
I am never letting Elsa take care of my dog again. Last time she just let it go.
Parallel lines have so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.
Why did the car key never fit in?
He was too door key.
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?
They'll end up only throwing the pin.
What runs but never stops?
How can all rape be prevented? Just teach your daughters to never say no to a man. There - fixed!
Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?
No, because it never came out...
Do you want to know the most racist game? Chess. You wanna know why? Because they never let black go first. I wonder why... lmao.
Me and my grandpa went on a road trip, and he died. That was the last thing we did together, and I will never forget his last words: “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS!”
What falls and never gets hurt? Snow.
What’s the difference between Michael Jackson and a pimple? You never see a pimple come on a little boy’s face.
I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.
...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.
I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"
There were 30 high school seniors taking finals, and once they finished, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, walked up and down the classroom to collect the tests, and asked, "So, are you guys ready for college?" And Brian answered, "No way. School is just a waste of time, every day taking *seven cruel hours of our lives*." Angela replied, "Never! Like Brian said, school is just a waste of time, and the next level is surely not worth paying $50,000 for. Besides, math class is *mental abuse to humans*!" And Jack said, "School has been a waste of so much time I'll never get back, and after these *finals* I've realized... *fuck, I never actually learned shit*!"
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Why are orphans bad at poker? They don’t know what a full house is.
I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.
What do you call an orphan’s family reunion? Me time.
Did you know? The letter ‘f’ in orphan stands for family.
What is an orphan’s least favorite song? We Are Family.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite movie? Meet the Parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite type of music? House.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What’s an orphan’s favorite band? Foster the People.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.
Where do orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms.
What beer do orphans drink? Foster’s.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
What do you call a fish with no parents? An orfin.
Why do orphans like playing tennis? Because it’s the only love they get.
Me: Are you an orphan? Orphan: Yes, what gave me away? Me: Your parents.
