It's not funny to joke about orphans. Without any education, they'd never understand what the jokes mean.
Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.
Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.
But he nailed that mountain.
Why is the sea salty?
Because the land never waves back.
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?
Daddy.
I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.
An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"
Me: Your ugly...
Person: I'm not your mirror...
Me: I never told you to be my mirror :p
Stephen Hawking is so lucky to go to heaven.
Oh never mind, here comes the stairway.
A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."
I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"
Some say Stephen Hawking was a genius, but I never heard him say anything intelligent.
If a heterosexual man wanted his dick sucked, what would a feminist say to him that a gay man would never say to him?
"Not now, I have a headache."
My wife is like a mirror.
I can never look at it.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
I never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me.
What do you call a rapper in a wheelchair?
Young Boy Never Walk again.
Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
