Never jokes

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\

Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.

Why did Hitler turn to genocide after a failed career as an artist?

He never learned to mix the colors.

Sir, I mustache you a question...

Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

It's not funny to joke about orphans. Without any education, they'd never understand what the jokes mean.

Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?

They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.

Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.

But he nailed that mountain.

Why is the sea salty?

Because the land never waves back.

My wife is like a mirror.

I can never look at it.

I would never kill an animal. I'm more of a people person.

An old man goes to a church and is making a confession:

Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18-year-old."

Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"

Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."

Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"

Man: "I’m telling everybody!"

Me: Your ugly...

Person: I'm not your mirror...

Me: I never told you to be my mirror :p

Some say Stephen Hawking was a genius, but I never heard him say anything intelligent.

If a heterosexual man wanted his dick sucked, what would a feminist say to him that a gay man would never say to him?

"Not now, I have a headache."

Why can't religious women be raped? Because they are taught to never say no!

A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.

The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.

The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."

I never knew the kid at school had autism. I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs.

Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"

Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."

I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."