Never jokes
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
What do you call a rapper in a wheelchair?
Young Boy Never Walk again.
Person 1: "Where was Hiroshima?"
Person 2: "In Japan."
Person 1: "No wonder! That's why they never saw it coming."
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for $20 an hour.
It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.
Stop it! What if a blind person sa- oh wait, never mind, carry on.
What happens when Rick Astley is getting an erection whilst singing "Never Gonna Give You Up"?
You get PRICKrolled.
So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.
Roses are not always red, Violets are violet, not blue. Irises are never red, Petunias can be kinda blue.
What does this tell us 'cept you can't trust a poet to tell the truth.
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :)
-> in reality, :( (sob)
depression is no game, and here in this world, we are here for each other, although at times it might not seem like it.
Keep strong, and you'll find the end of the tunnel, but ending the pain and being gone just spreads depression.
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake every day. He had no hands or legs.
One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No."
The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?"
The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever."
So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked.
"No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before."
The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?"
The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked."
The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
What is something feminists crave but will never get? Semen.
Atoms never touch, so it means, we haven't touched each other or anything. So, sir, I did not drop-kick that child.
One day, I was sitting on my couch watching YouTube when I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door, and to my surprise, it was my dad. I haven't seen him in 16 years, so I let him in. I noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand, and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge.
Then he walked towards me and said, "Oh no! I forgot the cereal!" Then he walked out the door and drove away. I never saw him again.
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
The Titanic, just like my phone, IT JUST WON'T SYNC.
Edit: Never mind, it started to sync...
Why was the blunt pencil bad at making speeches? It never had a point.
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."