Always jokes

I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging.

"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"

I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Roses are red, violets are blue. If you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

Are you suicide, 'cause you're always on my mind?

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.

Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."

My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."

- One of the thousands of missing children.

What does a relationship and suicide have in common?

I always fail on committing.

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.

best friend makes 9/11 joke.

you: "hey, my dad was inside the tower."

best friend: "I'm sorry."

you: "I always knew he was a great pilot."

Why are feminists always against men?

Because men can piss with something that they can't: piss with dicks.

Are you depression? 'Cause you're always on my mind~

Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?

Because they aren't family!

A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, "You're adopted!" The sister yells back, "At least they wanted me!"

I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.

Why do gay kids always fail exams ? Becuz they can't think straight

Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?

Because they're always coming out of the closet.