Always

Always Jokes

Funeral

"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"

Grandpa

I will always remember my grandpa's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Watcher

Roses are red, violets are blue. If you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.

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  • Memes

    Missing child

    My favorite quote will always be, "Sketchy candy is better than no candy."

    - One of the thousands of missing children.

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  • Bellybutton

    Little Johnny went on a camping trip. All the tents were taken, so he shared with the teacher. So Little Johnny says: "Can I play with your bellybutton? My mom always lets me when we camp." So the teacher says: "Sure." 5 minutes later the teacher says: "Woah, woah, woah that's not my bellybutton!" Little Johnny says: "Woah, woah, woah, that's not my finger."

    Suicide

    What does a relationship and suicide have in common?

    I always fail on committing.

    Sibling

    As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.

    Feminist

    Why are feminists always against men?

    Because men can piss with something that they can't: piss with dicks.

    Friend

    best friend makes 9/11 joke.

    you: "hey, my dad was inside the tower."

    best friend: "I'm sorry."

    you: "I always knew he was a great pilot."

    Adoption

    A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, "You're adopted!" The sister yells back, "At least they wanted me!"

    Alabama

    Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?

    Because they aren't family!

    Santa

    Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

    Funeral

    I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.

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  • Worth

    You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.

    Gay People

    Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?

    Because they're always coming out of the closet.

    Dwarf

    I don't always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.