Never jokes

F is for friends who don't talk to you.

U is for Ur alone.

N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

I've been hit by several things in my life.

Sadly, never a car.

Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.

Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.

So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."

This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.

Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.

I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.

Where can you never take an orphan to dinner?

Family restaurants.

Stephen Hawking is so lucky to go to heaven.

Oh never mind, here comes the stairway.

So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."

If Shaq had a boat, he would name it "Freethrow," because he would never sink it.

I never get school shooting jokes.

Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.

A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."

I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"

How did the man with no arms commit suicide?

We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.

I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\

Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?

They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.

It's not funny to joke about orphans. Without any education, they'd never understand what the jokes mean.

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

Kelly Clarkson may be able to shed her weight [through pills], but she will never be able to shed the fact that she admitted herself that she molested her children when they were toddlers.