Never jokes
Why can't an orphan go on away games?
Their parent will never show up!
So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).
A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”
My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?
One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.
The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.
Why are carpenters never horny after work?
Because they’ve already spent all day getting hammered and nailing things.
What did Nemo's dad say? "Man, he's a lot like my dad, I can never find him!"
"Sinister Laugh"
I was an orphan as a kid, but I have never had a bitch, so I asked this cheerleader to homecoming, and she said, "Mofo, you are only coming to hoco because you need a home to go to!"
Why can't you eat cereal?
Because your dad never came back from getting the milk!
Did you hear the rumors about butter?
Never mind—you shouldn't spread them.
Why does the orphan drink hot coco with water?
Because his dad never came back with the milk.
I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.
What goes up but never comes down? Your age. You have probably heard this joke before.
I could never fall out of a boat because I've already fallen for you.
Never compare an orphan to an Apple because the Apple always gets picked.
Never eat more than you can lift.
Why do orphans only drink water in cereal?
'Cause Dad never brought home the milk...
Cool kid: I slept with your sister.
Me: Never knew my brother was a girl.
Everyone else: :O
My friend: You're so skinny, you never miss the elevator when it's closing. You just slip right through!😂
Me thinking it's a gift from God: 🕴️😎
You know why Ted Cruz left Texas?
Because they never take a chill pill.
Yo mama so fat, when she ran... oh wait never mind.
You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.