Never jokes

What starts with M and ends with carriage?

This joke never gets old, but then again neither does the baby.

Why is reverse cowgirl banned in Alabama? Because you should never turn your back on family.

For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.

F is for friends who don't talk to you.

U is for Ur alone.

N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.

So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.

I've been hit by several things in my life.

Sadly, never a car.

So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."

How did the man with no arms commit suicide?

We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.

Never attempt to foreshadow your own death, you may end up regretting it. You can chop me up and throw me in the fridge if I’m wrong.

This one kid never stands up for the pledge of allegiance, and I'm tired of it.

Today, I push him out of his wheelchair.

A policeman once said, "I will never forget 9/11."

I said, "I hope not, that’s your phone number!"

My wife is like a mirror.

I can never look at it.

I'm so mad I got arrested for rape, even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute, but how was I supposed to know? She never told me.

Where can you never take an orphan to dinner?

Family restaurants.

Why did the transgender girl want to be a boy?

Because momma never raised no pussy.

Kobe Bryant never missed a shot.

But he nailed that mountain.

So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."

Why is the sea salty?

Because the land never waves back.

What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?

Daddy.