Mustache jokes
Sir, I mustache you a question...
Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.
"Knock knock?"
"Mustache."
"I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later!"
What do you call an angry nut with a mustache?
A pistachio.
How did Hitler tie his tiny little shoesies?
With tiny little Nazis.
ahhhhhh
It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells, “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!”
A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him. Later, he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man, “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?”
The man responds, “Of course, I was thinking about Hitler!”
Stalin lets him go, but then he stops the soldier and says, “Who were YOU thinking about?”
Why do gay guys grow mustaches?
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io!
I have no father or no milk. Like if you relate.
I have no father. Like if you relate.
you.
Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.
Feminists: Correct.
Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?
Like if you have a dad.
Community talk
Since this site is so FUCKING dead all the time, I have a fun game for y'all to play! Every day, there's going to a poll where YOU guys control what a person named "Jamal" does. Story number 1 is going to be "BBC Bounty: Cartel Craves That N***a Nut".
Before we start, *THIS STORY HAS GRAPHIC CONTENT, DON'T READ IF YOU FIND IT OFFENSIVE (obviously no N-words and they're only censored because of Matt's rule). And hone… Read more
Scripts.com Bee Movie By Jerry Seinfeld
NARRATOR: (Black screen with text; The sound of buzzing bees can be heard) According to all known laws of aviation, : there is no way a bee should be able to fly. : Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. : The bee, of course, flies anyway : because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. BARRY BENSON: (Barry is picking out a shirt) Yell… Read more
Bee Movie By Jerry Seinfeld
NARRATOR: (Black screen with text; The sound of buzzing bees can be heard) According to all known laws of aviation, : there is no way a bee should be able to fly. : Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. : The bee, of course, flies anyway : because bees don't care what humans think is impossible. BARRY BENSON: (Barry is picking out a shirt) Yellow, black. Y… Read more