Never jokes

Me: Do you eat your cereal with water? You: No, why? Me: 'Cause your dad never came back with the milk!

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.

For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

Son: Dad, I have black skin and you have white skin, are you sure you're my parents?

Dad: Oh... well I never thought it would come to this, or to your head that you were kidnapped...

Son: Am I kidnapped?

Dad: Well, you're adopted, and if you want to see your biological parents, they’ll be waiting for you in heaven.

Quote of the day: It's never too late to be what you wished you were.

Hope y'all are having a great day! I just got back from a volleyball tournament that I had to be up at 5 AM for! We played three games and won the last one. We advanced and are playing a few more tomorrow. Wish me and my team good luck!

I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.

And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...

AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!

Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.

Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.

Who killed Hitler goes to Heaven.

*looks up*

Oh, never mind.

A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.

What's black and never works?

Decaffeinated coffee, you racist bastard!

Guys, stop telling orphan jokes, soon they're gonna tell they're par... oh wait, never mind, carry on.

If my phone battery lasted as long as my relationship, I would never be able to play on my phone.

Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.

I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.

My mom and I went to a bank. Hard to say I never heard of it. The name is "Addison Banks."

LOL

I always wanted to go to the store as a kid because I always wanted to look for my dad that went to go get the milk, but I could never find him.

Never say to an orphan, "Bye buddy, hope you find your dad!"

Balls are annoying. They just bounce and never keep still.

What are orphans' least favorite movie?

The Promised Neverland.