My jokes

Cat

    • My cat is red and brown and her bones are crunchy, so does that mean she is a Kit Kat?

  • 0

    • Mom

    • When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.

    Funeral

    • It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”

  • 1

    • Visa

    • I am crying tears of joy rn.😭 I was wrongfully denied my visa. ☠️ They took me to the Q&A section, that I needed to answer one simple question for my visa to be granted.

    The question was the original synonym of Bench. I shakily answered "Pristiano Penaldo" 😭. I was right guys ✅🛫

  • 1

    • Woman

    • Man: *behind the women* She's so ugly!

    Woman: My back is not a voicemail, unless you're a coward and can only say it behind my back to my face.

  • 1
    • My memes

    Friend

    • Me and my suicidal friend are close, so I took him to the mall to treat him.

    We bought snacks, a new controller for his Xbox, and LED lights for his room to hopefully brighten his mood. After we scanned the last item, the machine beeped by itself.

  • 3

    • Contest

    • I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.

  • 6

    • State

    • Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?

    What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.

    P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.

    9/11

    • The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

  • 1

    • Finger

    • My grandma said, "Hey, you want a Butterfinger cause I do?"

    Me: Grandpa's in the kitchen if you want a finger.

  • 1

    • Family

    • A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:

    "My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."

    The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"

  • 0