My jokes

My life.

What does a human and a cat have in common? Both take my bed.

I love my family when they're buried alive.

My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.

Wanna know what my favorite feeling is? Warmth. Fuck, I left the oven on!

I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.

I know why nobody likes my comments, because they got no sense of humor. That's why they dislike it. Now I know depression is a joke, a joke that never gets a laugh. =[ WHYYYY NO ONE LAUGH AT MY JOKES?

Stranger: Do you want a lollipop?

Kid: No, I hate lollipops, so yeah, and you are not my daddy.

Gwen, we can chat in 2 months. My aunt just died from COVID, and it is taking forever for us to get there to California. I love you, your boyfriend, Prince!

Yeah, she said, "Do you love me?" I said, "Only partly. I love my bed and my mommy. I'm sorry."

My grandfather loves Hitler. They both had one ball.

What do you call nuts on a chin?

My penis in your mouth.

Girl: Hi (flirt)

Boy: Hi? (reluctant)

Girl: I'm a cheerleader captain, I'm also single (flirt).

Boy 2: Excuse me?! He's MY MAN...

Yo hairline is a distraction to my education.

My friend has ligma...

Lick ma balls!

I like my vegetables like I like my women: forgotten at the bottom of my freezer.

What do you call your mom?

My wwwwiiiiiifffffffeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!@#$%

My dad killed himself because he was Hitler.

My step mom walked in naked once. I sky rocketed that day. I was 12.

Are you a printer? Because you turn my soft copy into a hard copy. Dark..Humor :)