My jokes

There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"

My friend asked for something dark and creamy. I said..... "GU KHA".

I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.

I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"

Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?

I tried to hit G by putting D.

Hey, guess what I got for my birthday.

No, what did you get? Older.

I miss seeing my friends and teachers.

What is your name in my phone?

I love your house. I have been in your art for.

Sometimes I feel ugly, but then I think of my sister.

My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.

Me: *reading a sign* "Children are a gift from god."

Me: "No, they are a gift from the underworld."

Mother: "Yeah, I picked you up at the gift shop on my way out."

Mother: "You are a spawn of Satan."

"I think my baby is so similar to me!"

"True, but the most important thing is that he is healthy!"

Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.

About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."

Mom asked, "Why?"

Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."

My sister looks like Santa Claus.

"You are so pretty?"

"No, too many people!"

My husband wants to tell me about my childhood.

Ok, I can't access the panel without the password.

Nechen has been writing articles for the class for years.

Then the Guru asked him, "If I die now, what will be on my grave?" Fritchen searched for the plastic bag and shouted, "This is a protective bag!!"

What does Marine stand for?

My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment.

I remember when I saw my dad's penis for the first time.

I said, "Dad, don't text me shit like that."

What makes my life so unfair?

You invading it for no apparent reason.

What is harder than steel?

My cousin at the family reunion.