My jokes

My social life.

Hey, guess what I got for my birthday.

No, what did you get? Older.

There's an orphan in my class... For some reason, he never leaves.

My mom said that I don't listen to homophones, but then I said, "No, I listen to headphones."

My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.

They laughed at my crayon drawing.

So I laughed at their chalk outline.

My entire existence.

A lot of people get mad at me for my bad jokes. I always thought they were punderful.

I didn't put my kids up for adoption.

My mom

My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.

My live.

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

Texter 1: You know People treat me like a god.

Texter 2: How?

Texter 1: They ignore my existence unless they need something.

My grandpa was the goat, he killed Hitler! 🥳🥳🥳

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Like petals in the wind, My heart dances for you.

I am Asian.

I am so Asian my pronouns are: heeEEE/Ya.

Pulled pork? Yeah, I cranked my hog today, too.

I turned gay because my wife is too poor.

I asked my friend, "Shouldn't we have 6 senses?"

He replied, "What is the 6th sense?"

"Common sense," I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention. "Never mind," I said.