My jokes
Cereal is like... breakfast soup made out of corn flakes.
Ketchup is like... a smoothie because of the tomato.
Coffee is like... a bean drink energizer.
My life is like... the shoe rack-
When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.
HELP! I MIGHT BE A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST BECAUSE MY RHYMES ARE DA BOMB.
Hairline is so far up, Patrick Mahomes can't even sell to a wide receiver.
Your forehead [is] so big scientists measured it, studied it, and then finally they said: "Oh my God... your forehead is so big it's a 50 mile car ride from your eyebrows to your hair!"
Why could you not see the guy in my dark closet?
The guy was black.
My grandma's got 99 problems, but a fat butt ain't one of 'em.
When my friend fell, I didn't crack up, but the sidewalk did.
Silly joke! Where’s my natcho? You have it :excuse me it’s nacho cheese 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
I was with my friend atom the other day. He’s pretty tall . . . Compared to you.
I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.
Husband: My wife and I went to the beach today.
Husband: She was wearing a blue wetsuit.
Husband: The second we entered the beach,
Pedestrians: "TSUNAMI! TSUNAMI!"
My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.
Sometimes I wish my grass was depressed, then it would just cut itself.
If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.
Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.
The only thing colder than Siberia is my girlfriend's ex!
I braced myself when I got in the car, but then I realized my wife wasn't driving.
My teacher made us watch a movie about the struggles of being an overweight person in this day and age.
It was really heavy on me.