My jokes

Some weird kid came into school today with his tagging gun. He tagged my friend really good. At the end, he tagged 12 students and 1 teacher. VICTORY ROAYAL ✌

My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.

A lot of the time he will take things for granite.

A lot of counter-offers were made.

Mommy sits on my potty and sings a song about poop.

Peanuts are hard to crack, just like my ex-wife's heart.

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

I didn’t realize I had to put jokes into categories, my bad.

Unleash the jokers...👍

I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."

My best opinion: when life goes to hell, you just go down with it.

Do nut get in my way.

Do nut get in my way.

Okay, I'm on my last nerve when people say "Water Shark Guy" and other things THAT ARE NOT MY NAME.

This is my name: watersharky!

My pet parrot had an accident and lost both his wings... he is being very brave about it though... he is totally unflappable.

What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?

"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"

I took my girlfriend to the beach, and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale.

I woke up today, and my mom said it was 1940.

My friend asked me why I haven’t had milk in six years.

I told him my dad never came back with it.

My mom said that being straight is good, but if you're straight, how do you walk? So I decided to be gay.

Why are my students so naughty?

Person: My left ear is ringing.

Friend: Then answer it!

I couldn't find my cat, and then my pillow started meowing.