My jokes
Hey, guess what I got for my birthday.
No, what did you get? Older.
There's an orphan in my class... For some reason, he never leaves.
My brother has a fucking ass and I wake up to him twerking.
I'm making a new movie, it's called "Veggie Tales." My star actor is Stephen Hawking.
There is a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking; at least one of them does something.
Memes
What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?
You brighten my day.
My puns are awesome, pure gold.
I broke the sink yesterday; the handle just blew right off! My dad was so mad, he blew his stack!
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
My entire existence.
What did the substrate say to the active site?
"C'mon baby, we fit together, open my door lock to f**kin' key."
Hi, my name's Dixy.
Dixy Normis.
Your life? Wanna hear a sadder one?
My life.
My PC.
I remember my grandfather's last words:
"Are you holding the ladder?"
My boy is so distracted and the kids are doing great. I will be make $500000.
My mom
I didn't put my kids up for adoption.
A lot of people get mad at me for my bad jokes. I always thought they were punderful.
My friend told me I should be a stand up comedian but... I prefer sitting.