My jokes

Hi, my name's Dixy.

Dixy Normis.

9 months before I was born,

I went to a party with my dad and left with my mom.

Squirrel: I got a joke.

Dog: What the hell is it?

Squirrel: I clicked my nuts and clicked my poop.

There were two snakes slithering along when one snake said to the other snake, "Are we poisonous?" "Idk why?" The other snake responded, "'Cause I just bit my tongue!"

My friend asked for something dark and creamy. I said..... "GU KHA".

Friend: Do you know him?

Other Friend: Know who?

Friend: My dick!

I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!

Last night I slipped on a banana.

My friend said it was a-peeling!

Jerry: My dad got into a fight on a plane.

Jeremy: That's just *plane* crazy!

The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.

What's the difference between sleeping pills and my beating my meat?

Sleeping pills actually come with a prescription.

My father can take a joke because he made one.

"There are 20 letters in the alphabet, correct?"

"No, it's 26."

"Oh, I forgot, you are a cutie."

"You're missing one more."

"I'll give you the D later."

"....come to my office at 1pm ASAP."

I'm making a new movie, it's called "Veggie Tales." My star actor is Stephen Hawking.

There is a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking; at least one of them does something.

What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?

You brighten my day.

My friend tried to sleep on napkins.

I guess that's why they're called NAP-kins.

My puns are awesome, pure gold.

I broke the sink yesterday; the handle just blew right off! My dad was so mad, he blew his stack!

My favorite Pixar film: Wall-E.