My jokes

*New teacher walks in* New Teacher: Hi there, class. My name is Mr. Willy. I will be your math teacher.

*Me in shock, "Willy"* Me: Willy Wonka, is that you?

I will never forget my little brother's last words, RIP.

His last words: "Paint doesn't taste good."

OWWWWWWWWWWW I JUST GOT A CUT ON MY BUTT. Oh wait, that’s always been there.

I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.

My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

"Squid Game" doll be like: "Gugu la gu, your mom, my balls!"

I can't believe the suicide hotline put my cousin on hold. They left him hanging.

This. This is my class.

[https://www.youtube.com/shorts/xlzTJPmpV9o](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/xlzTJPmpV9o)

"In my opinion, JFK was the best president."

"Why?"

"He was very open-minded!"

I'm so proud of my grandpa, he killed Hitler. WAIT-

I’ll never forget my Grandfather’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”

My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.

If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.

I like my men like I like my coffee: black and hot.

What's big and black?

My balls.

My friend that was in a wheelchair was getting bullied, so I said, "Stand up for yourself."

I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. If you touch my van, I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan. If you steal ice cream, I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine.

Orphan: I dip my Oreos in water.

Me: Why?

Orphan: Because my dad did not come back with the milk.

I would like to thank my favorite President Barack Obama. Sorry, Barack Obama and my uncle Obama bin Laden. I mean Osama bin Laden. Sorry, hummus in my throat.

My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.