What did the orphan say to its parents?
"Hey, Mom and Dad—oh wait, you're not my parents. I don't have none. Will you adopt me, please?"
They people: "No."
My Jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue, don't look in my backyard, or I will come for you.
I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
Me: Pretend your name is “puberty.”
Friend: Ok?
Me: I'mma hit puberty!
*hits my friend*
Me rn: "Yo yo yo, for pre-K I went to K.I.S.S. a school."
My friend: "What is K.I.S.M.A.?"
Me: "K.I.S.M.A. balls!"
Worst joke ever: me and my user.
I wish I was dead like my jokes.
What’s the difference between a pornstar covered in slime and The White Stripes?
One has "Icky Thump," and the other does "icky hump."
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
What's the similarity between an orphan and my dick?
They both will die alone.
I accidentally sucked my own ball sack.
Little boy: Momma?
Mom: Yes, my dear.
Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.
Mom: Why!?
Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.
What did one squirrel say to the other squirrel?
"Stop staring at my nuts."
My life, but wait, jokes actually have meaning.
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair and guess who came crawling back!
I had sex with twins. Well, I think it was twins. All my rage victims look alike.
I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?
I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
