My jokes

Why is my dad gone?

I don't know.

Bro, my friend told me all his humor is dead and dry, and I was like, "Just like 9/11 victims."

Boy: Wanna hear about my dick? Never mind, it's too short.

Girl: Wanna hear about my pussy? Fuck no, you won't get it.

"In my opinion, JFK was the best president."

"Why?"

"He was very open-minded!"

I'm so proud of my grandpa, he killed Hitler. WAIT-

*New teacher walks in* New Teacher: Hi there, class. My name is Mr. Willy. I will be your math teacher.

*Me in shock, "Willy"* Me: Willy Wonka, is that you?

I will never forget my little brother's last words, RIP.

His last words: "Paint doesn't taste good."

My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.

I have a friend who recently stopped smoking, and the withdrawal was causing hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend: "I see a dreamer over there by the water!"

If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”

I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.

My life, ha ha funny!

Read my name. 👍🇮🇪

I remember having a crush on my math teacher, so I winked at her and said, "Don't worry, babe, I'll call you later."

Today sucked. My friend fell off a cliff, and I went to jail.

My friend died by a truck, why can't I get run over?

My dads just like my eggs... runny. 🤣😭🥺

I told my mum that a few guys tell me that you're a MILF.

My mom said what that is. I reply, "Mom, I'd Like To Fuck." My mum started out to laugh, then she told me, "Well, now you need a new stepdad."

I quit my job at the bank today. I lost interest.

What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.

I hate my life.