My jokes

I am the ice cream man running over fat kids with my van. If you touch my van, I’ll smack you in the face with a frying pan. If you steal ice cream, I’ll shoot you in the face with a fudge machine.

I bought my son a trampoline. He sat in his wheelchair and cried.

If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time.

My friend that was in a wheelchair was getting bullied, so I said, "Stand up for yourself."

You know this joke really cracks up my bones!

What did the ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.

I hate my life.

My step bro thought I was single and tried to take me, but I said, "I'm take." And guess what he did? He cried.

Why? Why would you do that?

Read my name. 👍🇮🇪

OWWWWWWWWWWW I JUST GOT A CUT ON MY BUTT. Oh wait, that’s always been there.

Why is my dad gone?

I don't know.

Bro, my friend told me all his humor is dead and dry, and I was like, "Just like 9/11 victims."

Boy: Wanna hear about my dick? Never mind, it's too short.

Girl: Wanna hear about my pussy? Fuck no, you won't get it.

"In my opinion, JFK was the best president."

"Why?"

"He was very open-minded!"

I'm so proud of my grandpa, he killed Hitler. WAIT-

"Squid Game" doll be like: "Gugu la gu, your mom, my balls!"

I asked my dog this morning how her week's been going--she said "ruff." I feel her, you know? I feel her.

My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

I can't believe the suicide hotline put my cousin on hold. They left him hanging.

Orphan: I dip my Oreos in water.

Me: Why?

Orphan: Because my dad did not come back with the milk.

I would like to thank my favorite President Barack Obama. Sorry, Barack Obama and my uncle Obama bin Laden. I mean Osama bin Laden. Sorry, hummus in my throat.