My jokes
Man, my brother has a tight, buttered butthole. The veins in my cock throb when he comes over!
Your hairline and my car go Lighting McQueen speed because he never came back with the milk.
I bought my son a trampoline. That little a**hole stayed in his wheelchair the whole day.
Who wants to buy my new NFT?
One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.
She asked me, "What are you doing?"
I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."
She asked, "What does that mean?"
I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."
I had to go to my friend's house.
I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???
What’s the favorite song of someone with an Oedipus Complex?
“My Mommy Comes Back”
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
Whoever stole my anti-depression medications, I hope you're happy!
My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
I saw my sister sucking a big toe.
I traded my sister for a slice of pizza. Damn, that pizza was good!
My Crandall just be smashing more than you ON DA GIRLS, and he was slapping your girl last night harder than WILL at the OSCARS! ;)
My favorite dark joke is orphan jokes. For no apparent reason.
(If you see this joke with a blue "S" that's also me. I just have an acc now.)
This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?
They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"
My mom is in the FBI. My dad is in the FBI. My sister is in the FBI. My brother is in the FBI. And do you know what I am?
Divorced.
I love my grandpa, he killed Hitler.
What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!