My jokes

My wife told me to pass her some chapstick, but then I realized she hasn’t talked to me in a month, then remembering I gave her super glue.........ehh I’m done with her big ass mouth.

Someone in my class yelled "Jenga!" while watching a documentary about the Twin Towers.

My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!

My sister said, "Daddy can you pass the salt?" So I raped her.

One day, I came home from school and said to my dad, "I got expelled from school today." He said, "How?" I said, "I threw my book at the teacher." He asked, "Why?" I told him, "We were doing an anti-bullying program, and my teacher said words can't hurt me, so I threw my dictionary at her."

I was going to write a joke about my penis, but it was too lång and overused.

Roses are red, I failed my test, All because of Hugh and his incest.

I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."

I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"

My girlfriend asked, "Why is this test so long and hard?"

I then said, "You know what else is long and hard..."

She was amazed!

My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.

My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!

I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years old, in the basement, and locked up.

I was talking to my old friend. They said, "We should hang out more!"

I said, "You mean we should ketchup?"

What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich? I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!

My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.

Lying bastard never came out.

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me while he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

Who likes penis?

My cousin!

Ching chong kading dong.

(My best words ever used).

My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.

The librarian then asked me to take it out.