My jokes

So, my mom looked in the mirror today, and we need a new one.

What is soccer like when you lose your soccer ball?

Orphan: "My Parents."

My friend's emo. I told her to play jump rope with me. She hanged herself. Lol.

Maybe if the grass on my front lawn had depression, It would cut itself.

I'm the champion of this site. I fight with the ten rings and ten fists of the legendary Buddha.

Now for my joke...

Why does Peter Pan always fly?

Because he never lands.

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

How many orphans does it take to change a light bulb?

Obviously more than three because my basement is still dark.

Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?

Friends: What?

Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.

What do you call two men fucking? My dad and I. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Gays are always welcome on my Redneck Party Bus. NOT!

My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.

Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!

When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣

Do you know what I found in my letter soup?

A space.

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N. Oh my gosh, I'm peeing on my shoe, no one knows about it yet!

My bird. PRETTY BIRD! PRETTY BIRD!

Others CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP!

I just got a text on my cell. Bone be right back ;)

I went on a date last night and told my date I worked with animals every day.

She said, "Oh, how sweet. What do you do?" I said, "I'm a butcher."

My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"

The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."

So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!