My jokes

When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.

See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.

Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!

My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.

When I was 17, my mom’s door was always locked. I wonder what she was doing.

When someone said to an orphan, "My boyfriend ghosted me," the orphan says back, "Don't worry, my parents ghosted me!" 🤣

What do you call two men fucking? My dad and I. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Me: What's the difference between me and my grandpa?

Friends: What?

Me: I've been alive for the past 14 years.

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology. I call him a hypocrite and unplug his life support. 😄😆🔥👍

Me: You know what's the favorite slogan that Hindus like the most?

My friend: What?

Me: “kati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.”

My dad is John Cena because I can't see him.

Dad: Come on, David, go dress up like a girl.

David: Isn't that illegal?

Dad: Nah, it isn't illegal if you keep the buttons in.

David: I hate my life.

My therapist said to try having a different outlook on life.

I agree. I should have a different outlook on life. Preferably from underground.

Am tired of my country!!!! How can two policemen use one gun?

I watch sexy girls AMV and my pp goes up and down and up.

My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."

Roses are red, violets are blue, Cause comes near my Willy.

I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"

My boyfriend thinks he’s hilarious.

Him: How do you break things?

Me: You break things up.

Him: Okay.

Me: Is everything okay?

Him: We’re a twig. We’re breaking up.

On the plus side, I finally hear voices talking to me... just wish they were outside my head.

It’s disappointing that Los Angeles doesn’t offer better transportation, especially since my neighbor offers free mustache rides every night.