My jokes
My penis is big and long, what else is... my condom... cucumber.
Yo mama so ugly,
my screen cracked when she took her photo!
Roses are red, violets are blue, don't look in my backyard, or I will come for you.
I was going to make a depressing joke, but my parents already did.
What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?
"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."
Memes
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
What is my most popular side of myself?
Suicide.
What do my mom and a basketball have in common?
My mom's tits and ass are bouncy, just like a basketball.
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
I love you, Explain Bear. Please bear my children.
I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.
My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."
Yo mama must be a giant, 'cause my Mini P.E.K.K.A. goes berserk on her!
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
Just give me my money (clap clap clap).
My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.
He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
Q: What's red during puberty?
A: The blood on my hands.
My boss told me I have a preoccupation with vengeance... We'll see about that!
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. I probably should've stopped when I got to her.