My jokes

I'm back and wearing dead whites who are killing whites from Eastern Europe on me. Shout out my boy russia and Ukraine, they all are evil just like USA and China and the rest of the west!

My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.

I was digging in my backyard and found a chest of coins. I wanted to run inside and tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging in the backyard.

My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

My friend said they were going to make a comeback. I told them to do it at the back of the throat.

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.

I hope Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, 'cause I need some parts for my go-cart.

My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

My brother when he sees a girl.

I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.

Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.

I be ready to commit suicide.

But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.

I beat up my twin friends with a plane.

I wish my hair was emo so it would cut itself.

I want your cock in my rock bottom.

My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.