My jokes

I like my men like I like my Alexa:

By my bed and turned on.

(To a thief) If you like taking things, how about you take my life?

I have tried coke; it is not my cup of tea.

My uncle died on 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.

One day I walk up to an emo kid. I realized he had a fresh cut, so I grab my hand and slap his wrist and told him, "I like ya cut, G!"

My friend said I was gay, but then I realised he was talking to the mirror.

A girl walks in the room. She asks her mom, "Why's my name Flower?" Her mom said, "When you were born, a flower fell on your head." Brick walks in the room. Jasvidnqzkdvsosbd.

One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.

Me on my way to the principal's office after the trans kid told me to act my age, so I told him to act his gender.

My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"

No witnesses.

My "choco" is too "late" for lunch.

Roses are red, my blood is too, And I've been seeing it a lot more, since I've lost you.

I love my dog!

My neighbor is in the Guinness World Records.

He has had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me.

A stone’s throw away, in fact.

If my boobies are fish, then am I salmon boobies? Please give generously.

Evan, yo mum rode on my big PP love, dad.

Good afternoon. My name is Russell, and I am a wilderness explorer of Tribe 54, Sweat Lodge 12. Are you in need of any assistance today, sir?

I was gonna clean my room

before I got high.

Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"

They replied, "I don’t know."

I said, "Fsh."

I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.