My jokes

A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"

I was working in an iPhone store in Norwich when a man came! He said, "Give me a hat-trick or I will destroy your store!" I said, "No," and he started to smash phones! I immediately screamed, "Important game!" and he disappeared! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my store! 😡😡

I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.

I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.

Ah yes, cremation. My last chance of having a smokin' hot body.

My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.

When I'm cutting my grass, want to know what it reminds me of? My arms and legs.

Lemme just say one thing:

Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.

My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your stepfather."

What did the plane say to the tower? "Yo, can I crash at your place for a bit, and can my boy crash at your boy's place?"

Me rn: "Yo yo yo, for pre-K I went to K.I.S.S. a school."

My friend: "What is K.I.S.M.A.?"

Me: "K.I.S.M.A. balls!"

I love my dog!

People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."

Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."

The only difference between my grandma and the twin towers is that they collapsed faster than my grandma.

My wife and I have made a difficult choice and have decided we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details, and we can drop them off tomorrow.

My dad went to school saying dad jokes. I was embarrassed and I cried with a-dult cry.

I wish my grass was edgy...

then it would cut itself...

"Herro, I cannot see my eyes."

My love life.

My favorite kind of face mask is the plastic bag.