My jokes

Is your name ooOOo? Because my name is lalala.

oOO laLA!

Duck my sick.

The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."

My wife made electric eel for supper. I was shocked!

One day I told my wife that she drew her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.

It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.

When other people tell a joke, 3/3 people laugh.

When I tell a joke, 1/3 people laugh, but 2/3 people stare into my soul.

Tell your mom happy last night. 🍆 in my bed.

My dad is now a milkman.

Now I have over 50 brothers and sisters.

My teacher gave me an A in Physics, then she tells me that it turns guys on.

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.

So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.

My gf dumped me, so I took her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back?

Knock knock, who's there? God.

God who? NO, you idiot, there is no God. I am your father and you have locked me out of my own house!

I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.

For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?

I will tell you a story. There was a fruit named Pear who was named Dyck. He one day met his friend Carrot, who was later killed after being stuck into some girl's vagina.

Pear then became very sadistic and no one loved him, and he became mentally fruit-pressed. One day he met a Banana named Harvey Weinstein, and they got married and had children who were all named Minion. Eventually, the rest of his family died, and Pear was left slowly rotting away. His last words were, "I have finally 'peared' the consequences of all my actions."

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."

Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."

So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.

Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"

The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.

My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.

What's the difference between my dad and cancer? Cancer doesn't leave you.