My jokes

Yo mama so ugly,

my screen cracked when she took her photo!

Oh, you just got owned, like my ancestors.

I'm not saying I'm ugly...

But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.

What do my mom and a basketball have in common?

My mom's tits and ass are bouncy, just like a basketball.

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.

Don't tell me I haven't got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest, and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours!

Me: Knock knock.

My Grandma: Who’s there?

Me: Interrupting cow.

My Grandma: Interrupting c-

[Dies from heart attack]

I sold my vacuum the other day.

All I got was dust and my mom's wig.

You shouldn't joke about 9/11. My grampa died on 9/11. He was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.

Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.

Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!

One more 360 noscope for my montage.

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.

Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.

Battery 1%.

I take one last look at Earth as my suit runs out of power.

My Grandpa was supposed to be in 9/11, but airport security got him.

God = what I hope to be.

Devil = what I can't accept.

I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

Can't have a smoke with my girl after sex, she's asthmatic.

Plus, she's too young to smoke.

Your hairline is so far back that my father couldn't even reach the store in time before it grew!

I asked my class what comes before 47. Everyone said 46, except for the quiet kid who said, "AK."