My jokes

I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.

What did one snow ❄️ man say to itself? My arm is broken.

I like my girls like my coffee: Flat and white.

A guy walks into a bar with a .44 magnum and yells: "Who the fuck fucked my wife?"

Everybody is silent for a second, then the bartender said: "Mate, you ain't got enough bullets!"

How many people can you fit in a car?

6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.

Why do pirates say, "Argh my Hardees?"

Because that's how you tell when they have the hards.

I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣

I was fuming when I lost my job as a window cleaner, like who built the Twin Towers anyway?

Someone stole my balls :(

My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.

What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?

I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.

I hope Stephen Hawking was an organ donor, 'cause I need some parts for my go-cart.

My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

I was digging in my backyard and found a chest of coins. I wanted to run inside and tell my wife. Then I remembered why I was digging in the backyard.

I wish my hair was emo so it would cut itself.

I beat up my twin friends with a plane.

I asked my brother who is autistic how he found his gf. He said on a special website.

God = what I hope to be.

Devil = what I can't accept.

I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.