My jokes
So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.
I'll never forget my aunt's last words before she died: "Can you stop shaking the ladder, please?"
My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!
What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.
Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.
Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol
Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!
Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD
Memes
Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
Stormtrooper: What should I do about my overdue library book?
Palpatine: Renew it!
I like my coffee like I like my women.
Big tits.
The other day my computer crashed. Luckily, there were no injuries.
What did one snow ❄️ man say to itself? My arm is broken.
I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen.
He was charged for impersonating a police officer.
Q: What's red during puberty?
A: The blood on my hands.
I raped a girl and I liked it.
I hope my girlfriend won't mind it.
It felt so wrong, it felt so right.
Don't mean I'm in love tonight.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"
-not my joke
My wife is mad that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and went right.
My mom told me a joke about boxing.
I guess I missed the punch line.
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.