BFF: Dude, come over to my house right now!
Me: What? No way, it's 2:58 AM.
BFF: But I just found my brother's secret stash of Oreos!
Me: I'll be over in 5 minutes.
My Jokes
So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.
Ok, this is a texting joke. This isn't my joke; I found it on Google.
Mom: SON YOURE G-MOM JUST PASSED AWAY lol
Son: Mom, how is that funny?!?! I hope you're not laughing!
Mom: OH NO I THOUGHT LOL MEANT LAUGHING OUT LOUD
My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!
What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.
I take all my anger out on orphans. Why?
Because they have no parents to run to.
I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.
"I spy with my little eye..."
- Noting I am blind -
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.
A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."
Me and my friend's life story on a daily basis.
I like my women like my family, they’re related.
I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."
My mom told me a joke about boxing.
I guess I missed the punch line.
My three favorite things are eating my family and not using commas.
Are you Hiroshima? Because I want to drop my bomb inside you.
I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.
I used to be a baker, but I decided to quit my job and stick my dough inside WOMEN’S bakeries.
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
