My jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue,
Iβm sorry you look like my old beat up shoe.
My grandma told me I was next at my brother's wedding, so I told her she was next at her husband's funeral.
Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?
Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.
If you say "slay" in my comments I will follow all of you lmao who are signed in.
My ex-friends are depressed. Their names are Kaitlyn and Ava.
Memes
I punched my mom for no freaking reason.
To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.
One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Girls' dreams: OMG, my crush kissed me!
Boys' dreams: I just got a dub, bro!
Someone in my class yelled "Jenga!" while watching a documentary about the Twin Towers.
My Wi-Fi must be Kobe, because it crashed hard.
My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."
Eat my ass!
My Friend Evan: What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate?
Me: Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.
My girlfriend called me a pedophile. That's a big word for a six-year-old.
Whatβs a lungβs favorite type of exercise?
Breathing exercises.
I told this to my English teacher, and he said it to the class, and no one laughed. Someone help!
As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.
I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.
One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"
A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.
I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.
And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.