My jokes

My dad is like my depression, you need a suicide letter to find him.

I like my women how I like my wine.

Aged 9 years and lives in the basement.

I'm bone dry in material, but I have a skeleTON of skeleton jokes. After I tell you all these rib ticklers, you will have a bone to pick with if you didn't find that funny, you outta rip my spine out.

My wife cheated on me with my brother.

She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.

My live.

What’s Elon Musk Jr.'s favorite food?

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I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man," I replied. "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

The way you talk is so slow that they put you in the movie Fast and Furious and changed the title to Slow and Serious!!!😂😂😭

When I died, my friend said he'd cover me.

My therapist said, "Time heals all wounds," so I cut her.

My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.

I like my girlfriend's new secondary school uniform, I guess, but doesn’t beat her old primary school one. 😀

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.

So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.

I've never seen my dad since September 11. I wonder where he is...

My uncle got sued from NASA the other day. He claimed to be the first one to enter Uranus.

My wife called me ugly, and then when she found out how much money I actually make, she called me ugly and broke.

My mom said to let Jesus come inside me; now I can't sit down.

Hi. My name's Stephen Hawking. What's your disability?

"I've only been ripped off twice in my life. The first time was when I ordered three kebabs and they only delivered two. The second time was when we signed Cristiano Ronaldo."

-Al Nassr owner