My jokes

My girlfriend asked me whether I was having sex behind her back, and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"

I went down to my fridge to grab my dinner. I said to the children, "Who's next?"

My friend was in a wheelchair, so I rolled him in fire. Now I call him Hot Wheels.

I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it.

Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.

Sometimes when I think I'm ugly, I just think of my sister and it makes me feel better.

Roses are red, My c0ck is blue, Oh shit, what happened to you?

Roses are red, violets are blue, like my hole, Uncle Bill is making me full, better run here he comes!

I still remember my grandpa's last words.

"Stop shaking the damn ladder!"

Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not...

So I left my mom with my baby, and I was terrified when I came back; the wheelchair was in the water.

I hear you like funny people. In fact, my whole life's a joke!

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

I like my girls like my coffee: Flat and white.

Don't tell me I haven't got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest, and I can guarantee they're a lot bigger than yours!

God = what I hope to be.

Devil = what I can't accept.

I hope to be like Jesus, a dead martyr. I can't accept that my religion is evil.

Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.

Battery 1%.

I take one last look at Earth as my suit runs out of power.

You shouldn't joke about 9/11. My grampa died on 9/11. He was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.

Me: Knock knock.

My Grandma: Who’s there?

Me: Interrupting cow.

My Grandma: Interrupting c-

[Dies from heart attack]