My jokes
What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?
"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."
Yo mama so ugly,
my screen cracked when she took her photo!
What is my most popular side of myself?
Suicide.
What do my mom and a basketball have in common?
My mom's tits and ass are bouncy, just like a basketball.
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
My penis is big and long, what else is... my condom... cucumber.
You need a good place to think? You can sit on my lap, and we’ll see the first thing that pops up!
Just give me my money (clap clap clap).
Girls' dreams: OMG, my crush kissed me!
Boys' dreams: I just got a dub, bro!
Someone in my class yelled "Jenga!" while watching a documentary about the Twin Towers.
Roses are red, violets are blue, don't look in my backyard, or I will come for you.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I’m sorry you look like my old beat up shoe.
My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest with a rabid wolf.
Battery 1%.
I take one last look at Earth as my suit runs out of power.
I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Me and a wheelchair person were playing tag, and I broke my leg so it can be fair for him.
You shouldn't joke about 9/11. My grampa died on 9/11. He was the best pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
Me: Knock knock.
My Grandma: Who’s there?
Me: Interrupting cow.
My Grandma: Interrupting c-
[Dies from heart attack]