My jokes

I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years in a basement.

When I get jokes. They aren't f****** restarted like you.

My sister.

Police: Where do you live? Blonde: With my parents. Police: Where do your parents live? Blonde: With me. Police: Where do you all live? Blonde: Together. Police: Where is your house? Blonde: Next to my neighbor's house. Police: Where is your neighbor's house? Blonde: If I tell you, you won't believe me. Police: Tell me. Blonde: Next to my house.

What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"

I was asked at school to draw a line across the paper, but instead I showed them my wrists.

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

My sister's boyfriend is pissed cuz I fucked his girl.

I love to decorate my room because it's a great way to express your heart, though I just remembered, my room is pretty black and empty...

I was once caught doing it with a 16 year old in my bedroom. Boy, was my wife mad. She yelled "HOW CAN YOU F*** OUR DAUGHTER?!". Haha, yeah, she was mad.

Anyways, that's why your mother and I are getting a divorce, Timmy.

I named my grass emo, and it cut itself.

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted. Me and my dad were going out and walk home and walk walk home from school and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home, and I will get back with him tomorrow morning.

"I told my black friend a joke. I told him he needs to lighten up!"

My first football game was a lot like my first time having sex.

I was bloody, sore, and but at least my dad came.

Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.

I wrote puns on a piece of paper like this:

P. P. P. P. U. U. U. U. N. N. N. N. S. S. S. S.

Then I showed them to my teacher, asking him what they had in common.

“They are all very tearable,” he replied.

Well, there is one person who gets it!

My friend: You're ugly.

The orphanage: That's what I said to all my children.

My anus smells.

My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.

I always hit on 16, then get busted.

What do Jesus and I have in common?

No one knows my real bday either.

There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.

One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.

One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.

The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"

Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."