My jokes

Son: Why is my sister’s name Paris?

Dad: Because we conceived her in Paris.

Son: Thanks, Dad.

Dad: No problem, Quarantine.

I asked my class what comes before 47. Everyone said 46, except for the quiet kid who said, "AK."

My friend died from Ligma!

Ligma balls.

My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.

I want your cock in my rock bottom.

I'm back and wearing dead whites who are killing whites from Eastern Europe on me. Shout out my boy russia and Ukraine, they all are evil just like USA and China and the rest of the west!

I'm a pilot and my boss told me to fly people to New York, so I flew them to New York and hit the towers. That was a tragic story.

I be ready to commit suicide.

But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.

My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.

My friend said to me that I am gay. My response? I’m as straight as that pole that your mum danced on last night.

I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.

Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

I told my friends that are gay that my hairline's straighter than he will ever be.

If you say "slay" in my comments I will follow all of you lmao who are signed in.

My ex-friends are depressed. Their names are Kaitlyn and Ava.

One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.

Girls' dreams: OMG, my crush kissed me!

Boys' dreams: I just got a dub, bro!

Battery 1%.

I take one last look at Earth as my suit runs out of power.

Me: Knock knock.

My Grandma: Who’s there?

Me: Interrupting cow.

My Grandma: Interrupting c-

[Dies from heart attack]

I sold my vacuum the other day.

All I got was dust and my mom's wig.