My jokes

When I was teaching my dog tricks, a Chinese man came to me and asked, "Why were you playing with your food?"

My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."

My grandfather has the heart of a lion!! 🦁

In a jar on his desk along with a lifetime ban from the zoo...

Why did my dad leave me?

Because I was gay.

What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?

"Alpaca my bags."

To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.

I bought my son a trampoline for his birthday, the ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.

Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.

I was falling down the stairs at my local clock tower.

I somehow broke more than 206. I broke 342!

I started beating my washing machine because it wasn't working, my wife started crying.

Roblox jokes on this page in a nutshell: something about Roblox girlfriends, and "Add me on Roblox. My name is Sonicboy100299easyarsenaltowerofhellproxdlol."

Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.

I love to smell skunks, but I lick their stinky butt. It's delicious. My breath smells like fart.

Person: "My pony is crazy; it's always horsing around."

Call me Willma, will my balls fit ya mouth?

You know where I get my soda? Mini-soda.

I'm so poor I have to put my Big Mac burger on layaway.

The twin towers were like my parents... They never came back.

My ex keeps missing me. But her aim is steadily improving...