My jokes

What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?

They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”

One day, I put a lady taffy on my ass.

My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"

I said, "Are you going to punish me?"

What did one snow ❄️ man say to itself? My arm is broken.

I painted my dad white so he wouldn’t leave.

So, you're human, huh? Well, I'm a skeleton, so not much gets under my skin.

My dumb ass thinking I made a friend, oh ya, I forgot, literally nobody likes me!

What did the tree say when it gets horny? My wood has a splinter.

I take all my anger out on orphans. Why?

Because they have no parents to run to.

"I spy with my little eye..."

- Noting I am blind -

I used to have a skeleton of jokes, now my supply is bone dry. Guess I wasn’t that femurous.

Skedaddle skedoodle, I'm gonna go beat my noodle.

I told my mom I'm happy and she said: "I didn't know you were gay."

I thought about learning skydiving without having to afford gear. But the highest place I got is my apartment window.

People call my blind friend dumb sometimes.

She can't see the obvious.

What is black, white, and red all over?

My third wife.

An American mother has 3 children. The first child asked his mum: "Why is my sister called Crazy Horse and my brother Rushing Water?"

Mum: "Because those were the first thing I saw after i gave birth to them. Why are you asking all these questions, two dogs fucking?"

What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?

My dick.

Fila is a cool brand. I fill a cock in my ass.

My mom told me to make my dad smile, and she will give me $100, so I said, "The Cowboys are gonna win the Super Bowl." He smiled, but my mom didn't give it to me.

Anyways, I forgot about my package coming, and the mailman came, and I said, "I like your hat; teal looks nice on you," and he smiled, and my mom gave me $100.