My jokes

I will always remember my uncle's last words, "What's the shovel for?"

Superman was flying one day when he saw Wonder Woman laying by the pool completely naked. He thought, "I can fuck her so fast she wouldn't even know what happened." So he then flew down to the pool and did fuck her.

Wonder Woman stood up and said, "What was that?" The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole stinks!"

There is a party in my mouth, and your dick is invited.

In 2001, my parents took me to 9/11. I was soaring towards it with excitement!

This is nothing to do with 9/11, but this is my best joke.

What do you call a Paki in a microwave?

Pting pting pting.

One day, a priest loses his cock (chicken). He goes to the church and says, "Who has seen a cock?" All the women raised their hands. "No, who has seen a cock that is not theirs?" Half the women's hands went up. "No, no, no, who has seen my cock?" All the nuns' hands went up.

My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle.

So I went up a step and said, "It's over Anakin, I have the high ground!"

What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?

"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"

What’s the difference between 80 dead babies and a Lambo? I don’t have a Lambo in my garage.

I told AI to talk dirty to me. It started describing my browser history.

My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.

Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.

I walk into my driveway. Stephen Hawking is on my roof.

Oh wait, never mind, he just fell.

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

Here is a jacket for my favorite Jew.

It says, "271032."

My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support.

My teacher is a rapist.

Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.

Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...

My girlfriend called me a pedophile, but what does she know? She's 7.

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.