Comfort jokes

Hi! 👋 I love 💕 you love 💕 a good time at home. 🏡

An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.

I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”

Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan?

Because it doesn't have a home button.

What kind of pillow makes sounds?

Why is the orphan cold?

'Cause there's no one to cuddle with.

What does a pillow say when you live for a week? "Don't forget me!"

Q: What's the similarity between a dog and a bed?

A: I can jump on my bed. A: And I use a pillow on both of them.

If you can't stand the heat, sit!

Man: I'm here for the job interview.

Employer: Oh good, good. Sit down. We don't get many people for the interviews.

Man: Just anywhere?

Employer: Yeah, make yourself comfortable. Jackson, right?

Man: Yeah, that's me.

(Shakes hands and sits back down)

Employer: So what makes you eligible for the job, Jackson?

Man: Well, I'm really good at capturing the perfect shot and angle. It really takes dedication to do this type of job. Concentration and willpower, sir.

Employer: I like you already, you're hired!

Man: Wow, thanks, sir. I know I won't do you wrong. I'll work hard for this job!

Employer: You start now! Your first person is a man named John F Kennedy.

Man: What? You want me to just take pictures of him during the parade?

Employer: No.

Man: This... This is a photography job, right?

Employer: No... this is a job employment for man hunting.

Why is the letter "B" very cool? Because it's sitting in the AC.

Are you a blanket? Because I love it when you’re on top of me.

How to get a girl in three steps:

Step 1: grab a pillow.

Step 2: grab a blanket.

Step 3: keep dreaming.

I'm sorry for your loss.

It is going tibia okay.

I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable,

but I never realized they suited me.

I hope both sides of your pillow are warm tonight.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.

So, my best friend's boyfriend broke up with her, and she started to cry.

So I told her a "single" joke, then she said, "Go and fucking die, you insensitive bitch!"

I later said, "Ugh, fine, as your BFF, I will break his body for you—happy now?"

She said, "*sniff* yes."

What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?

"Thanks for coming."

I met a kid at the park. He was holding a picture of his parents in his hands. They had died on 9/11.

So, I went to comfort him. I said, "Hey, I lost my grandpa on 9/11. He was great. At flying a plane."

Making a comforting breakfast.

But you have a knife.