Comfort jokes

Why are orphans so scared of the dark?

The dad can't check the closet for them.

Yeah, she said, "Do you love me?" I said, "Only partly. I love my bed and my mommy. I'm sorry."

You’re so short, you could use a pillow as your bed and still have some wiggle room.

I love sleep 🛏!

A young Greek couple got married, and at their wedding...

...the mother of the bride took the bride aside for a quick chat.

"My sweet," she said, "you're now a woman. I'm so proud. Some advice for you now that you're married: Greek men are very particular, and at some point when you're making love to your new husband, he might suggest that you 'turn around,' if you know what I mean. If that sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, do not feel pressured to say yes."

The bride thanked her mother for the advice, and the wedding continued. That night, as she and her husband consummated the marriage, she was mildly surprised to learn that he never asked her to 'turn around.'

They spent a beautiful week together on their honeymoon and made love many times. But still, to her mild surprise, her husband never asked her to 'turn around.'

Their one year anniversary arrived, and they made love to celebrate the milestone. But again, to her mild surprise, the husband never asked her to 'turn around.' This continued for years: their second anniversary, third, fourth...

Finally, on their fifth anniversary, her husband started getting romantic with her in bed and said, "Honey, we've been married for five years. I was thinking we maybe try something new. I thought this time you could 'turn around,' if you know what I mean."

She replied, emphatically, "No! No, I do not do that, I am not that kind of woman!"

Without getting defensive, her husband simply said, "That's all well and good, honey. But I thought you said you wanted children?"

Couldn't believe how much of a bad mood my work mate was in this morning. So I decided to ask him what was the matter and if everything was OK with his wife, Flo.

He then broke down crying and said when he got home the night before, he caught his wife in bed with the plumber. I tried to console him as best as I could, but he just couldn't get over flow.

My hotel tried to charge me ten dollars extra for air conditioning. That wasn’t cool.

I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

A woman was sitting alone at a bar, and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sad. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.

The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his fetishes. After a few drinks, they decided to go back to her place.

When they arrived, she told him to make himself comfortable while she freshened up. The man complied. After a long time, she burst open her bedroom door and said, "I hope you're ready!"

She stood in the doorway wearing a latex body suit and a gas mask. She had a whip in one hand, a flogger in the other hand, and a 12-inch strap-on dangling between her thighs.

The dude looked at her and said, "Thanks, but I'm good for the night!"

She said, "I thought you said that you were kinky."

The dude replied, "While you were in there, I f-cked your cat, pissed in your plants, and came on your curtains. It's been fun!"

Don't give up on your dreams...

Keep sleeping.

They toss and turn to the sound of thunder, but I got watermelon to soothe my slumber!

Are you feeling down? Because I’d happily feel you up.

A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"

A good bath is like a dead lover. You can enjoy them, that is until they get too cold.

When I feel depressed, I like to cut myself another piece of cake.

What makes it cold in a room? Air conditioning.

My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."

How do butts stay cool in the summer?

They stay in crack conditioning.

No matter how lonely you get, you have Explain Bear.

Explain Bear is always there for you.

What did the blanket say when he fell off the bed?

Oh sheet!