My jokes
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.
Chris Rock: Jada, I can't wait to see you in G.I. Jane 2!
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song starts playing:
Will: "I got in one lil' fight about my wife's lost hair, she said, 'Will, if you don't do something I'm gonna have an affair!'" 😂😂😂
Quiet kid reaches down and class starts running.
Quiet kid: What's wrong? Pulling out my...
My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!
I'm afraid for my gay calendar. Its days are numbered!
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Memes
Bill really said "your body, my choice," like, my man, it's your body, MY choice.
Someone locked me out of my house today... At least the children in my basement aren't my problem anymore.
Hey girl, are you my boss? 'Cause you just gave me a raise.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Why? You ask.
Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.
My ex-wife misses me, but her aim is getting better.
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies. (This does not apply to me. It's a joke.)
I went to visit my childhood home. I asked the owners if I could come in for some nostalgic memories. They said no and slammed the door on me. My parents are so mean.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
To Cock-A-Doodle Die. Now you have a rooster pancake. My favorite. ^^
I played Rock Paper Scissors with my friend Enyaw. I cba with jokes basically me and Enyaw always scissor.
To all my haters, keep sucking. I'm about to cum.
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?
My friend: To get to the other side?
Me: No, to get to the idiot's house.
My friend: Oh.
Me: Knock knock.
My friend: Who's there?
Me: The chicken.
My mom is bad and my dad is bad.
Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.