My jokes
My friend Josh made a joke about Liam's hairline, even though his ears are so big and his face looks like a monkey... if they were white.
When I'm chilling and a little kid ruins my moment.
My mom and dad: KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS TO EAT! Me: What's for dinner? Mom and Dad: Food.
The next day KIDS COME DOWNSTAIRS FOR FOOD! My brother and sister: What's for dinner? Me: Food ;-;
When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;
My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.
Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.
She lets him play anyway and I don't.
Memes
My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.
Your mama's so fat that she can’t even talk, even if Kevin says, "Oh my gosh!" 'cause she has a big ass mouth.
“My Mum told me the best time to ask my Dad for anything was during sex. Not the best advice I’d ever been given.
I burst in through the bedroom door saying, ‘Can I have a new bike?’ He was very upset. His secretary was surprisingly nice about it. I got the bike.”
Do you want to know my motto when I’m bored?
Punch an orphan, who is he going to tell, his mom?
I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 buckle some more.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
1, 2 buckle my shoe.
3, 4 open the door.
5, 6 Nike kicks.
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back?
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they daydream, they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it.
Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.
The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.
My parents found my YT channel. I hate myself now, and I'm emotional.
SELF HARM
Today my biology teacher asked me what's commonly found in a cell......... And apparently "black people" isn't the right answer.
What's the similarity between my son and a rug from eBay? I asked for a refund.